Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Quite a few moons ago I got a job as a Christmas Fairy helping Santa in his Grotto.
The Grotto was in the middle of a local shopping centre, on a raised plinth with nothing to hide behind except the sleigh which was big enough to hold three large sacks of the pressies that Santa had to give to Good Children.
It was one of the best jobs I've ever had as apart from having to deal with snot-nosed brats small children, I got to dress up and pretend to be someone else for the day.
Also, the money was pretty good too.
Most day were fairly busy and we didn't get many chances to go feed the raindeer* and some days were seriously hectic, but one afternoon nearing early evening, for some reason there were barely any shoppers in the centre, and the few that were there didn't want to visit Santa, and much less wanted to see me or the pixie that was also on duty.
So, we were bored.
We went to feed the reindeer.
We went to feed the reindeer again.
We played eye-spy for a while before we got even more bored and went to feed the reindeer again in the hope that a queue of people might have appeared by the time we got back.
But they hadn't.
We got very bored.
After about thirty minutes of doing nothing except smiling at the few shoppers as they passed by we decided to open some of the pressies in the sleigh so we could know what the anklebiters little ones were getting as a gift, and to our joy we found a toy aeroplane, a car, a couple of toy soldiers, a small teddy bear and a toy tank and we were soon engrossed in a game that was similar to Risk, but with our own rules, no board and a dice made of blu-tack.
My 'soldier' was the small bear and I got the tank to use to gain land and after twenty or so minutes I'd 'won' the land between the sleigh and the second Christmas tree from the end of the steps and only needed the bit between the third tree and the steps to win, and to get that I needed a six.
To my amazement I threw a six, and jumped up with my tank-bear at the ready to claim the land.
But, Santa decided to be a bad loser and with a cry of 'Oh no you don't!' he gave me a shove towards the sleigh.
The shove was a very gentle shove, but unfortunately I caught my heel on a stray parcel and next thing I knew I toppled backwards into the sleigh.
I wasn't hurt as the parcels broke my fall, but the parcels also took up a lot of space which meant there wasn't a lot of space left for me.
In fact there was just enough space there for me to get well and truly wedged among the parcels and the sides of the sleigh with my legs sticking out of the top.
Santa and the pixie burst into hysterical laughter as I yelled for them to get me out and their laughter set me off into fits of giggles as well.
Of course, it was then that a crowd of people appeared as well as the security guards and some of the shopping centre management head office bods who'd come along to see the Grotto.
What they thought at the sight of Santa and pixie trying not to laugh whilst a pair of legs sticking out from the sleigh cursed them between giggles I have no idea as Santa and Pixie left me stuck there until everyone had gone again, which luckily wasn't very long at all.
After they helped me out I called them some choice names and swore revenge and thought that would be the end of the matter, but alas, it was not to be so.
The whole incident was caught on CCTV and from then until Christmas Eve I had to put up with security guards clapping their hands and shouting 'I do believe in fairies!' whenever they saw me.
I can see the funny side of it now, but if I ever catch up with Santa again, he'd better watch his back.

*Go for a snout break.