Well, today's the day. Eight hours to go before I head off to this Speed Dating thing. Only three minutes to make an impression on someone. I have some lines ready:

I collect potatoes - what's your hobby?

My last four husbands died...

Do you think I'd look better in a white dress or an ivory one?

Would you mind if my brother joined us? Only we do everything together.

I've got this rash...

The doctors won't let me have more children because I ate the last three.

Teletubbies say 'Eh-ooh!'

Does my aubergine look big in this?

Come on, admit it, you think I'm mentally unbalanced don't you? DON'T YOU!?

Why is that wasp talking Latin?

Are you prepared to give all your worldly possesions to the order then?

My psychiatrist say's I'm not to get over excited.

Show us yer todger!

You remind me of my Mother.

Charles Manson was a Scorpio same as me. I thought he was soooo cool!

We won't be able to honeymoon abroad until the police let me have my passport back

Bunnies or wombats? Choose! NOW!

I work for the Inland Revenue.

I'm not looking for anything long-term, my husband's being released from Broadmoor soon but we can have fun until then.

So, are you able to financially support twelve children?

You fancy her over there don't you? Why are you looking at other women?

Are you able to cook as I'm not allowed to play with knives any more...

Would you mind if my Llama joins us? Only we do everything together.

Could you help me get this tag off my leg please?

How do you feel about human sacrifices?

I like armadillos...

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Is it safe?

If your name isn't Rupert would you be willing to change it to Rupert because I can't afford to get the tattoo removed.

Don't suppose you've got any heroin on you have you? I could do with a fix.

Ooooh! I wuv you! I wuv you sooo much my lickle ickle sweetie fluff-bunny!

Oh f**k, not YOU again!

Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are...

Do you mind if my grandfather joins us? Only we do everything together.

Yep. Those lines should make an impression...