Ow.

I am attempting to write this while under the influence of Codeine Phosphate which the hospital gave me, so apologies if I sound stranger than usual.
The reason I'm on the stuff is that yesterday afternoon I went to the pub. I know that's not generally a reason to end up in hospital*, but that's what happened.
I'd done the shopping for dinner and popped into my local on the way home to meet the ex-partner-in-crime and some friends. We sat around for a while catching up on old times, telling tales of mirth and woe, and in brief, having a fun couple of hours over some drinkies.
I was just finishing off my last glass of wine and was all set to trundle back home to see Pudsey and start dinner, and decided it would be a good idea to pop to the loo before doing so.
Turns out that was not a good idea. At all.
Just to let new readers** know, the pub has recently been refurbished, and the old Toilets from Hell were, until yesterday, becoming a distant memory.
But then, yesterday happened.
I'd just about finished and was on the using the toilet paper stage, when suddenly, the toilet seat cracked and slipped from under me, which caused me to fall sideways and whack my back very hard on the bowl. Very shocked, and even more shaky, I managed somehow to hobble back to my friends and almost in tears told them what happened. One friend went to take a photo of the offending toilet, while I called for an ambulance as by that time I felt I was going to pass out with the pain.
The ambulance arrived and they asked what had happened, and one of the crew went to take a look at the loo. They came back saying 'Bloody hell, that must have really hurt!' to which I replied that it had indeed bloody hurt.
They got me to the ambulance and I collapsed onto the stretcher whimpering and they gave me Entonox, which by the way is excellent, before we set off the A&E.
On arrival a nurse very kindly stabbed me in the bum with some muscle relaxy stuff and pain relief before I was eventually stretchered off to X-ray. After what felt like hours (probably because I was hungry and thirsty due to nil by mouth just in case) I got the results back and luckily there's nothing 'sinister' and no signs of anything being broken.
I've just got some rather nasty internal bruising on a couple of old injury sites.
Ow. Ow. And thrice, OW!
This post has taken me over an hour to write, and I'm now going to go back under the duvet and try not to move for a while.
Normal service will be resumed as soon as I figure out what is normal, please carry on with the Round Robin Story from yesterday in the meantime.


The offending toilet.

Souvenir of A&E.

*Well, maybe. Depends what sort of pubs you go to I suppose.
**And older ones with the memory of a fruitfly.