H'okay, before I get down to the nitty gritty of Double Entendre Day, I have a rant.
My 'private, non-spammy email addy', is down as some of you may have noticed, and I am also unable to make outgoing calls from my landline. This is because of the useless ar*eing shower of incompetent bastards, that will forthwith be refered to as 'Bumtel', and a so-called postal service, which I shall refer to as 'Arselforce'.
Thanks to Arselforce not being able to deliver my new whizzy modem, I have been subject to not being entirely able to switch to my new ISP suppliers (not their fault whatsoever), as my new whizzy modem which went AWOL before Christmas, was a) delivered to the wrong address, b) signed for by the driver, c) sent to Birmingham, then d) on to Chichester for some unknown fu*king reason. It has now been declared officially lost, and hopefully I will recieve a new one in the next couple of days.
In the meantime, because I've (thanks to the new ISP folks doing summat to their 'puter system) managed to at least get broadband with my old modem, I've now discovered that I've been charged for using the old ISP's phoneline, even though they hadn't informed me of this, and now I have (alledgedly) got to pay for the last three weeks phone calls, which for me, is a feck of a lot of money.
May Bumtel and Arselforce be delivered to the seventh level of Hell, and suffer a plague of locusts to chew on their genitalia for all eternity.

/ rant.

And now for the main feature attraction you've all been waiting for, being this week's Caption Competition, rah! Without further ado, it's

Get in there, as there's a beer for everybody wot gets into my box today, and a slippery nipple if anyone gets me to a 69!