Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Please note that names have been changed to protect the innocent (and not-so-innocent) in this tale of utter woe.

Many moons ago I was going out with a chap, and one evening we decided to play cards; a game of Rummy to be precise.
Rummy had (and still is) been one of my favourite games for many years and I consider myself an pretty adept player. The then boyfriend on the other hand had only played a couple of times before and I often had to explain the rules while we were playing.
Despite his inexperience he still somehow managed to beat me about five hands to two, and it was then that he decided to taunt me about being a 'rubbish player' and how he was so brilliant despite not knowing how to play properly.
Now, I'm not a sore loser; I'll happily admit that on occasions I will not win, but being teased and taunted about the matter, especially by a green, whippersnapper of a player was too much me at the time and I decided to teach him a lesson by throwing him on his back before pinning him down by putting my knees on his shoulders and tickling him until he took back his comments regarding my lack of luck.
Being extremely ticklish, he wriggled and writhed trying to get away but then suddenly he gave a large 'Aargh!' before going limp.
I was shocked and leapt off him asking what had happened and was he alright!
To my chagrin, he laughed at me and said 'Haha! Fooled you!', and so I once more wrestled him to the floor and pinned him down there with my knees on his shoulders.
Again he wriggled and writhed as I mercilessly tickled him for playing a joke on me and he was laughing a lot.
He kept on laughing a lot, right up until we both heard a sudden, and very loud
I immediately got off him and looking at his face which had gone very pale realized without asking that something was definitely amiss.
Remembering my first aid training I kept him still while checking he could breathe alright and where the pain(s) were, and very luckily his breathing was fine although he was in a lot of pain around his lower rib area.
Being late on a Saturday night he decided he would rather stay lying down where he was until the next day, but agreed that if he got any worse I'd call an ambulance.
And so the next day I very carefully drove him the the nearest A&E to get him checked over properly.
On arrival he shuffled up to the reception desk where a nurse asked him what had happened and how.
The boyfriend gave me a withering glare as he related the accident to her and I did my very best to look contrite, which wasn't difficult.
When he'd finished the nurse (who'd managed to keep a straight face while listening) looked at me and asked the boyfriend if he wanted to press charges or not, but her smile and his gave away the fact that they weren't serious.
When we saw the doctor, the boyfriend once again told the tale of the incident and (also trying to keep a straight face) the doctor wrote down that the cause of the accident was 'horse play'.
An X-Ray confirmed that the boyfriend had broken a rib, but as it wasn't displaced in any way, all the doctor could do for treatment was to send him home with instructions to take it easy until it healed and take painkillers when needed.
For the next couple of weeks I did my very best to nurse the boyfriend, and finally he was fit to go back to work.
Friday rolled around, and where he worked, Friday after work meant everyone in the office getting together for a couple of beers to unwind before going home, and as I was chauffeur, when I came to pick him up I joined them.
As soon as I walked in I was met by a barrage of comments such as 'Uh-oh, keep her away from me else I'll end up in hospital' and 'Swinging from the chandeliers were you two, eh?' from his co-workers.
I took most of the ribaldry in good humour until the boss of the company came into the room and said something along the lines of, 'Look you, if you're going to damage my workers by shagging them, at least tell them the safety word before you start!'
My response was to smile sweetly before sidling up to him and asking if he'd like me to demonstrate on him exactly how I'd broken the boyfriend's rib.
Funnily enough he declined, but it still took a very long time before the jokes about me breaking a bloke's rib simply by tickling him stopped.