Thursday, November 26, 2009

So the other evening I was at my local pub with the Ex-partner-in-crime.
It was a horrible, cold, rainy evening, and apart from us there were only three other customers in the place; an elderly couple sitting in the far corner away from us and a friend of ours who was sitting at the bar next to the EPIC.
I was sitting on a seat by the window with the pub dog who was in need of a cuddle, and one of the guv'nors was behind the bar on his own as the boss (his missus) was having a rest upstairs.
All was calm and peaceful until I spotted a couple of girls heading towards the pub. Normally I wouldn't take much notice of such a thing, but despite the awful weather, both of these girls were only wearing tiny mini-skirts with very skimpy tops to match, very high heels, had one very thin jacket between them and had make-up plastered all over their faces.
I was about to say something when they entered the pub and the pub dog jumped off the seat and ran to see who was at the door, which prompted the girl without any jacket to shout out "What the f*ck's that!?"
The manager, being quick at thinking replied, telling them "It's a Staffordshire Bull Terrier" which made the rest of us snigger but sent the girl into a panic.
"It's going to bite me! It's going to bite me!" she kept bellowing as the pub dog stared at her trying to figure out the the f*ck she was, at which the other girl suggested that they go somewhere else.
"Nah!" said the first girl, "I'll try patting it then I'll be alright" and made off after the poor pub dog who was beginning to get rather nervous by that time.
I've never seen this dog try to run from someone before, but try and run he did but the girl caught up with him before he could reach the sanctuary of the bar and got patted.
Reassured that the pub dog was not going to savage her, the girl then looked around her and said "It's really quiet in here, innit! Are there any uvver pubs arahnd? I've 'eard of one called the Viaduct, 'ow far's that to walk from 'ere?"
All of us pointed in the direction of The Viaduct and told her that it was about a five minute walk away. We then repeated the directions until she understood.
The girl with the skimpy jacket walked to the door and opened it and the girl wearing just a very skimpy skirt and top looked outside and said,
"But I don't wanna go out in that weather, it's 'orrible, cold and wet!" but then they both left the pub and tottered off in the direction of the Viaduct.
Before we all burst out laughing I said "Wear a coat then you stupid bint!" in response to her last statement.
Oh how we laughed.
My local's not noted for impromptu entertainment, but it's well worth hanging around there, just in case.
Scrappy - Waiting to greet customers at 'his' pub.
A Staffordshire Bull Terrier wating to meet and greet customers at 'his' pub.