Yesterday I got up as usual. I wombled downstairs to get a coffee and then went back upstairs to flop on my bed to plan the rest of my day.
But then I got a funny twinge on the side of my neck, went to feel it and felt a small lump which was sore to the touch.
I found a mirror and had a look only to see this lump literally getting bigger by the second!
I felt it again and it was very painful to touch and when I tried to open my mouth I found I couldn't open it very much and that it also hurt to do so.
Trying not to panic I phoned the ex-partner-in-crime to ask when he was coming over only to hear that he was just about to start teaching for the next hour or so.
I told him what was happening and he said he'd be over ASAP, and that I was to try not to panic in the meantime.
By then my whole shoulder and left side of my neck, which was where the lump was swelling, was feeling very sore indeed so I tried getting myself comfy while I waited.
To my joy and relief, the Epic turned up about ten minutes later after putting off the lesson and after I pulled on a pair of jeans, t-shirt and shoes, off we went to to my GPs.
On arrival I showed the receptionist the lump and told them it was still getting bigger and luckily a passing my doctor overheard me and after taking one look at the lump, took me through to her surgery.
She prodded the lump, gently I might add, took my BP and temperature while asking twenty questions, but although shh had spent six months of her training in an ENT department, she admitted she'd never seen anything like my suddenly arriving, mystery lump.
The lump was still getting bigger so after asking us which hospital with a specialized ENT department was easier for us to get to, called Charring Cross and informed them that I and my lump would be with them within the hour.
She gave me an explanatory letter and wished me luck before we set off bound for Hammersmith.
I reported to A&E as instructed where I was once again prodded and poked before being plugged into the machine that goes 'PING' to ensure I was still alive. The very second they did so however, all the lights in the A&E depatment dimmed and the 'puter screen went blank, which worried me a tad, but to my relief the power came back almost straight away, and after the triage nurse rebooted the machine, all was 'normal' again.
After that I was told to wait for the ENT team to come and get me, so I waited patiently while praying that my lump wouldn't burst.
Forty minutes passed before a very nice doctor came to get me, and after we walked around the A&E searching for the ENT treatment room for a while, we finally found it and he too prodded me and asked me questions.
After finding out that I hadn't eaten or drunk anything different and that I'd been fit and well -apart from the sudden lump - and that all I'd been doing when it arrived was sitting on my bed, he told me that the lump was nothing sinister (other than it being on the left side of my neck) and it was probably either a blocked salivary duct, or a swollen gland, but because of where it was, they couldn't be 100% sure which it was.
He told me that he was going to consult with the senior doctor, and that I might possibly be kept in so they could keep any eye on me, to which my response was 'oh gods no, anything but that, I promise I'll be good and take any medication, but I really did not want to be kept in if at all possible!'.
He sympathized and went to see the top bod after telling me that a nurse would be along with some painkillers and that I was to try and relax while I waited.
As promised, the nurse came along with the drugs and a short while later I was feeling less pain and doing my best to chill out under the circumstances.
The very nice doctor eventually came back and to my joy told me that I could go home as long as I promised to take the tablets and come back to see them in a few days, and most importantly, that if anything changed or I began to feel any worse at all, I was to go straight to my local A&E.
I promised Guide's honour that I would and after thanking him and the rest of the staff, I called the Epic and asked him to come and get me and take me home!
Last night, after I eventually got to spleep, I woke up at almost midday to find that although my neck is still sore and lightly swollen, the lump has just about gone again!
I'll be taking the antibiotics as promised as I seriously don't want to have to go back to hostipal, and I'm still feeling rather groggy, but I'm so happy the lump has gone!
I'll probably never know what the lump was or why it picked on me though, but I suppose it got me out of the house and gave me something to write about.
And if a small alien creature bursts out of my neck I'll let you know.