Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Some moons ago I was staying at a friend's place in Southall. Their flat was on one of the quieter roads in the locale, and was at the top part of a lovely old large Victorian house from where if you looked out of the window, you could see pretty much all of the road, which if you wanted to see what was going on outside was rather useful.
Most of the time nothing very exciting would happen there. Apart from a few nutters moving into a squat in the house next door and the time a neighbour decided to trash another neighbour's BMW with a rubbish bin, it was a very peaceful road to live in.
One of the very few downsides to the area was that occasionally it was difficult to get as parking space close to the house as people that didn't live in the road would take advantage of the free parking when they went to do their shopping, and several times my friend would get blocked in on their driveway by some inconsiderate twunt who'd parked their car there, despite the dropped kerb and polite 'Please do not park here!' signs.
But as I said, generally all was peace and quiet in the road, so one day I was surprized to hear shouting from just outside the house.
I had a look out of the window and saw that two people were engaged in an altercation over whose right of way it was and neither party looked like they were going to back down.
Now, one of the cars was driven by a fairly rough looking chap, and the other was driven by a woman.
Both cars were at stand-off because in order for either of them to pass each other, one of them would have to reverse into a space.
The chap would have had to reverse about three car lengths to get to a space big enough, whereas the woman only had to reverse about one car length into a space big enough for about three cars, but for some reason she was refusing to shift.
I tried turning the volume up on the TV, but the shouting began to get even louder so I decided to go and see if I could possibly placate the situation so that I could get back to watching a rather interesting programme in peace.
By the time I got there, there were another couple of cars waiting behind the man's car which meant that they would also have to reverse in order to let the woman pass, but still the dozy bint was refusing to budge, which IMO, (and it seemed to be the general consensus) was being really fucking bloody inconsiderate.
I dazzled both of them with my best smile and asked the woman why she wouldn't simply just reverse her car into the very nice and very large space that was right behind her, as then, the rest of the cars would be able to get passed, and also she could then get on her way too.
I was met by the rejoinder that apparently it was the man's job to reverse as she'd been there first and it was her right of way.
I explained the bleeding obvious to her that was that it would be far more time consuming and awkward for the man to reverse his car, and not only would he have to reverse far further, but the other cars (five of them by then) would also have to reverse as well, and again asked her why she wouldn't just simply reverse her car.
This time I got a whole spiel about 'women's rights' and how women should not be treated like second class citizens or idiots by men such as the other driver.
When she'd finished the chap looked as if he was on the verge of shunting her car into reverse for her and was threatening to call the police if she didn't move.
The other drivers were also starting to join in with the shouting and I honestly couldn't blame them.
I tried talking some sense into the fucktard woman one last time and said that if the police were called, then they would make her reverse her car and might also charge her with obstruction.
At that, she burst into tears which I was not expecting.
I asked her why the feck she wouldn't just reverse her car as it would save all the hassle and meant I could also get back to my very interesting programme which I was missing.
In a very small voice she told me why she couldn't just simply reverse the car.

She didn't know how to reverse the car as she'd only had it for two months and hadn't needed to reverse it until then.
At that I told her to get out of the car, took the keys from her, got in and reversed it into the space to a huge round of cheers and applause from the other drivers.
My parting comment to her was to take some driving lessons or get a refund on the car as she was too stupid to own one.
It's women drivers like that, that give the rest of us a bad name.
And yes, she was blonde to boot.
Stupid bint.