Thursday, January 29, 2009

Akay boys and girls, listen up.

I need some help as I've been set a challenge in five parts, and if I'm really lucky, I'll get more than one chance at winning.
I was having a talk with a friend of mine* and once again I was bemoaning the lack of excitement in my life recently. My friend asked me what I'd really like to do and I gave my first choice dream answer which is to act on stage with Alan Rickman, but alas, unless someone knows him and can arrange a meeting for me or an audition, I doubt that will ever happen.
So, we then talked about my favourite hobby being 'taking clickage', or photography as it's more usually known. Anyone who knows me or has stumbled by this 'ere blog or my Flickr page might have figured out, I try to always carry a camera with me at all times, and also normally about my person is Aristotle.
For new readers (and those with the memory span of a grape) Aristotle is a small, yellow rubber duck who enjoys having his photograph taken with people, especially celebrities, and this is how the challenge began to form.
The next thing my friend asked what I wanted out of life, turned out to be a date with someone on the same wavelength as myself.
This is the extremely tricky part as the majority of those sort of chaps tend to be locked away from society for some reason or another. Other factors contributing to 'lack of dates', are that most of the men I meet or know, are either married, gay, too good a friend to potentially ruin the friendship, or total and utter fucktards. Also, the area I live in is not particularly famous for it's well-to-do, high-flying career types and swings more toward the can't-get-much-lower-than-the-gutter criminal types.
So what's a girl to do, eh?
This is where The Challenge' comes into play.
The first part of the challenge is to find a male 'celebrity'. Married ones are out of the question (I hate home wreckers) and due to my current financial status (Skint) they must be within the limits of the M25, preferably West, or North London although I have an Oyster card, so can travel.
The next bit is something I'm already practised at, which is to get a photograph of the 'celeb' with Aristotle. See here, here, and here to get the idea, and although not really a 'celeb', this photo's my fave!
Part three is to attempt to get a photo of said celeb with myself in the shot as well, like this one, or this which is also one of my faves.
Then it's time to try buy the celeb a drink to say thank you, and - this is the important bit - stay with them and keep chatting while they drink it. Apart from the time when I went mute whilst trying to talk to Alan Rickman, I haven't been too bad at talking, so I might just be alright.
The next stage of the Modus Operandi is by far the most difficult. Giving a 'celeb' your phone number is totally cheap and tacky, so the object of the plan is for them to ask to arrange to see me again or to get their phone number if possible. Far easier said than done, but a cunning plan of trying to get them to pose for a charity campaign is a good idea, and before you think any less of me, it's an idea I've been working on to raise funds for the RSPCA and the Alzheimer's Society**, both charities I support whole-heartedly. I still have plans for the calendar I talked about a couple of years ago.

So that's it. A challenge in five parts, which may be played more than once and has a genuinely 'proper' target in mind, although a date with someone is something I might not say no to.

And so, as you might have guessed, this is where you lot come in.

First of all, do any of you happen to know any celebs who would be willing to pose with a small rubber duck on them in order to raise money for the RSPCA and/or the Alzheimer's Society?

Secondly, which 'celeb' do you reckon I should set my sights on for a possible 'date'/chatting up session/evening of duck balancing? I've been thinking along the lines of maybe Russell Brand or Noel Fielding as a) they seem about as normal as I am, and b) they're based in London, but seriously, any incredibly funny, outrageous, non-married chaps would be considered.
And if they're into Duck Balancing, even better!

Answers in the usual place if you please.

PS. Just in case Russell Brand happens to read this, 'Hi', and this is what happened when my hair decided to copy yours -
Today, my fur decided to do an impression of Russell Brand's.

*Wishes to remain anonymous because he's a total wuss.
**My dad was diagnozed with the disease, although he didn't die from it.