Friday, October 10, 2008

Greetings my cherubim, the weekend starts here!
Well, it does for me anyway as in a few hours I'm off to the wilds of Yorvik for the duration, and will be staying in a replica Viking village; woos!, and loads of hoos!
I've washed and sorted all my kit and have nearly finished polishing up Mr Pointy, and I can't wait to get away from so-called 'civilization' for a while.
The only downside about staying in the village, is that it's part of a farm which is open to the public and lots of mummies and daddies like to take their kiddywinks there for the day to feed to the animals help feed the animals and see the Real Vikings at work and play!
I'm not the best at dealing with questions from the public, especially after a little brat girl decided I was a boy rather than a girl, and I usually try to palm curious people onto someone else who knows about the subject.
But one time I couldn't get away from a group.
I was staying in the long hall and was tidying up the breakfast bits and keeping the fire going when in they came.
"Oooh, it's dark in 'ere, innit?" said the mum.
The rest of them grunted their agreement before the dad asked what I was doing.
I told them I was simply tidying up and when I'd finished was either going to do some embroidery or mending until it was dinner time.
"Oh, what happens at dinner time then?" the dad asked, "Is that when you get the tellys out and get a pizza in then?" he chuckled.
I said no, we didn't. For a start television hadn't been invented back in the ninth century, and why would we order pizza when I had a fully functional kitchen to cook with?
"What kitchen's that then? Do you use the one in the main building then?" asked the mum.
I replied no, and said I used the fireplace and cauldron etc that was in the hall next to me.
"You mean you cook using a fire!?" exclaimed the mother, "How on earth do you do that?!"
I wanted to run away screaming at that point but instead I patiently explained that people had used a fire to cook with for thousands of years and it was easy once you knew how.
Then it was the dads turn again.
"Go on though, you must get a telly in here though after we've gone though, don't you?"
I said no, we didn't.
"Well what do you do for entertainment then?" he asked in amazement.
I explained that we did lots of things, such as talk to each other, or play a game, maybe tell a story or sing a song, or perhaps even make a new game or an item of clothing. There were plenty of things to do.
The family stared at me as if I'd said we were aliens from the planet Saturn and spent our evenings probing sheep.
There was a stunned silence for a moment or so before the dad said
"You actually talk to each other...?"
I nodded and said yes.
"I bet you talk about what you're missing on telly though, don't you!?" he laughed.

I wonder if they'll be back this weekend?

Anyhoos, while I'm away, I've thought of something fun to play being -
'Things To Say And Do To Freak People Out On First Meeting'
I've made a start with the following -

"Why did you murder that aubergine?"
"Hide! They're watching!"
"Is it safe?"
Throw yourself on your knees, and shout "Hallelujah Lord! I have found thee!"
"I have a loaded armadillo and I'm not afraid to use it!"
Impersonate 'Rain Man'.
Sniff their bottom.
"Are you my mother?" (best if they're male)
Vomit. Copiously.
Ask if you can squeeze their blackheads.
Frotter yourself against the nearest table
"Please don't say you're another alien! The last rectal probe hurt"
Clap your hands enthusiastically and shout "I do believe in fairies"
Hit them.
Hide behind another person and cry.
"Do you love me? I love you..."
"So when am I going to get the maintenance cheque from you then?"
"Armageddon is here! Take me now!"
"The sheep warned me about you"
Stare at their jugular whilst smiling wanly.
"Oh yesssss! I remember my precioussss!"
"And you didn't call me back why?"

That's it from me, so it's over to you. I know you can do better so get to it, and have a fabulous weekend as well.
Play nice while I'am away, and why not try something I would do for a change?.