Thursday, August 21, 2008

Thursday Os & Es

Question Time.
Would you buy a shampoo that gave you 'Lank, greasy, listless hair with no shine!'? Or pop to a chemist to get a bottle of 'Sickness and Diarrhoea Mixture'?
Would you ever protect your eyes from the sun by slapping factor 30 suntan lotion in them or perhaps you'd like to experience the 'comfort' of eye surgery?
No, I wouldn't either, but those are a few of the things I've seen or heard on offer recently. Proof conclusive, that advertizing companies really don't think about how truly stupid they sound sometimes.
Have you got any classic Boswellox to share?

Current Gripe.
And it's something that I hear far too many times; mainly from journalists and TV presenters.
It is forgetting the simple rules of the English Language when applied to the plural.
It is not acceptable to say "There's lots more school children getting grade A passes in A levels". The reason being that 'lots', is a plural, so you should say "There are lots more school children, etc.".
Once you realize that, it really isn't difficult to stop yourself from sounding like an ill educated twat, alright?.

Beyond Belief.
Yesterday I went into a charity shop as I was on the lookout for rubber duckies, and other interesting bits and bobs. After searching through the toy boxes I had found five toys (alas, no rubber ducks) priced at twenty pence each, and a video that cost fifty pence.
I took my finds to the woman at the cash register and put them on the counter for her to price up with the till.
"Where did you get these from then?" she asked, looking at the toys.
I pointed at the toy boxes and replied "From there".
"Oh, right. 'Ow much are they then?" she asked.
I again pointed at the boxes and the sign on them saying '20p each'.
"Twenty pence each" I told her, just in case her eyesight was none too good.
"Oh, right. 'ow much are the videos? then" she asked me.
I pointed at the sign on the shelf which read 'Videos, 50p each, or 4 for £1.50', and again I quoted the sign out loud, just in case.
"Oh, right then" she said, then looked at the five toys and one video on the table in front of her and asked, "Did you want these then?"
I replied that yes, I would like them, and took two £1 coins from my purse and placed them next to the items.
"Oh right, 'ow much are the toys then?"
Again, I pointed at the boxes and said 'twenty pence each'.
"Right, okay. Did you want this video an' all?"
I again replied that yes, I did want the video.
"'ow much is that then?"
I once more read out the prices of the videos to her.
"Oh right then. Did you want four for one pahnd fifty then?"
I said that no, I did not. I only wanted to pay for one video and five toys, and held up the two £1 coins for her to take.
"Wos' that for then?" she asked, looking at the proffered money.
"Two pounds" I replied placing them once more on the table by the items I wanted to pay for.
"Tha's not right" she said. "'ow much are they?"
By that time I felt like just leaving the money on the counter and taking the stuff, but I wanted my change so I explained patiently that I had given her two pound coins, and the items cost one pound and fifty pence. Before I could say that all I wanted was fifty pence change, she said
"Well, tha's not right. Ow much are they then?"
It was at that point that I smacked her repeatedly round the head before shoving a small toy fire engine up her rear and shouting that it was going to cost her about ten thousand pounds from her to restore my sanity if she didn't understand the simple fuc%ing premise of how much the fuc$ing things cost.
Actually, that was only what I felt like doing. What I did, was to take a deep breath and explain one last time how much the items were, and before she could interrupt carry on that they did indeed cost one pound fifty, and that I was giving her two pounds, and wanted fifty pence change.
"Oh" she said.

"Tha's not right"
I left the two pound coins on the counter, took my items and a fifty pence piece from the counter and left the shop.
What would you have done?