Tuesday, July 29, 2008


Some years ago there was a television show called The People vs Jerry Sadowitz.
It was a charming show wherein the host, Jerry Sadowitz, would have people from the audience come up on the stage to chat to him about all sorts of topics, and happy, friendly banter from Jerry was the order of the day, as he encouraged the 'guest's' talents and made them feel special*.
Jerry was so very popular that he needed a special body guard to make sure that the people from the audience wouldn't suddenly jump up and try to cuddle him too hard, or possibly try to cut off a lock of his hair or clothing.
After the first series of the show, he became so popular he needed to find a very special body guard; one that not only knew how to look after over exuberant fans, but also looked the part of a hard nosed, scary bouncer.
Enter Mr Dave Courtney.
For those of you who haven't heard of this gentleman, Dave Courtney is an author, who also dabbles in acting and film directing after many years of plying his trade as a 'business man'.
Now to back-track a little.
Somehow, I'd managed to get onto the second series of The People vs Jerry Sadovitz** and had such a fun time, that when it was announced that there was going to be another series, a friend of mine was eager to be on the show as well. This time however, as the previous serieses(sp?) had proved so popular, the producers were now holding auditions and so one fine evening found us trundling up to the bright lights of Londinium to have a recce.
We were met by a chap with a clipboard who took my friend's name and ushered us to the room where the excitement was occurring.
To our delight, there was a bar at the back, which to even greater joy we found to be subsidized and therefore very cheap!.
My friend took a drink to settle his nerves and I (not to be rude) joined him and took a large white wine.
We found a couple of seats near the back of the room which was lucky as the place soon became packed out with no more seats available.
So as not to lose our places we took it in turns to go to the bar, which also fortuitously was just behind us, next to a group of well dressed large chaps, all suited and booted and trimmed with gold jewellery in the form of pinky rings and so.
While we sat at our table supping our drinks and waiting for my friend to be called, I spotted a large arm reach past me and pick up my lighter.
It wasn't a very expensive lighter, but it was pretty, and above all mine, and having been brought up being taught to say 'please and thank you' especially when using someone else's things, I was most upset to have my pretty lighter used without so much as a 'thank you', let alone being asked permission.
Being also the sort of person to not take such rudeness lightly, I turned around and said in a loud voice to the owner of the large arm "Some people ask before using other people's property and more importantly say 'thank you' when they've finished with them!"
There was a rather loud silence (you know what I mean I'm sure) before the owner of the large arm apologized to me and assured me that he would not be so rude in future.
I said something along the lines of 'Good, I should think so too' before turning round, swallowing the rest of my drink in one large gulp and telling my friend - sotto voce - that I had just bollocked Dave Courtney.
As I sat there wishing I could turn invisible the large men accompanying Mr Courtney laughed and scolded him for his rudeness adding that he'd better not do that again or I'd probably beat him up.
I simply sat my ground trying to look as tough and scary as possible until it was time for us to go.
East End chaps. Salt of the earth in my opinion.
Honest guv'.

*Contains full on lies.
**I phoned up and got in.