Pussy

Once upon a time, my friend Mr. de Sade was asked by his landlady to look after her cat while she went away for a weekend.
Mr. de Sade agreed and from Friday evening until Sunday afternoon, all was fine.
All was peaceful.
All was good with life.
Mr. de Sade and the cat settled into a routine wherein Mr. de Sade fed the cat at regular times, and in exchange for this kindness, the cat thanked him, and mostly stayed out in the garden chasing armadillos, or whatever it is that cats are wont to chase.
All was fine.
All was peaceful.
All was good with life.
Until about an hour before the landlady was due to arrive back home.
That was when the cat came back from the local Planetarium - or where ever it was that it went on a Sunday afternoon - absolutely covered from paw to nose in creosote.
Now, Mr. de Sade was not an expert on cats and the sort of feline things they did, but he was pretty certain that being covered in a noxious substance was not a very good thing to happen to a cat.
Mr. de Sade decided that the best plan of action to take was to wash the creosote off the cat, and so he went into the bathroom and filled the tub with water.
Knowing that water alone was unlikely to remove the creosote from the cat's fur, he added some bubble-bath.
And then he added some flash liquid.
Then he added some jif cream for good measure.
During this operation the cat had been watching Mr. de Sade, and wondering what was going to happen next.
Mr. de Sade went to pick up the cat and place it gently in the tub of frothy, cleansing liquid.
The cat did not like this one iota, and showed Mr. de Sade it's disapproval by trying to remove Mr. de Sade's face with it's claws before running into the living room and hiding.
When Mr. de Sade had recovered enough from the attack, he went to find the animal and to his dismay found the beastie sitting on a table washing itself.
Mr. de Sade thought that this was not good whatsoever as as far as he could remember, creosote was not a natural part of a kitty's diet, and could very well be detrimental to the animal, possibly to the point of killing it to death.
So Mr. de Sade thought up Plan B.
He went to his room and found a very long ruler and a roll of sticky-tape.
He managed to recapture the cat by enticing it with a piece of kitty treat, and as soon as the kitty came within reach, Mr. de Sade grabbed it and firmly attached the animal to the long ruler by taping it's paws around it.
He then took the cat (firmly taped to the ruler) back into the bathroom whereupon he began to dunk the cat into the frothy, cleansing liquid, then scrubbing it with a large brush until finally the creosote began to come out of the animal's fur.
Then, still holding tightly to the ruler, he took the shower attachment and rinsed the cat until all the frothy, cleansing liquid was also removed from the fur.
He was then left with one very clean, but also very, very angry cat.
Remembering the horror of the previous attempt by the cat to remove his face, Mr. de Sade decided to keep the cat in bondage whilst he found a towel and hairdryer to dry it off.
With just one minute before the landlady was due back, Mr. de Sade took a pair of scissors and cut the cat free.
The landlady was greeted by a demented, and very, very fluffy, but also very, very clean cat.
The landlady asked why her cat was in this unusual state, and so Mr. de Sade did his best to explain.
It was when he got to the part about the flash liquid and sellotape that the landlady backed away, clutching the kitty tightly to her to protect it.
Mr. de Sade moved into a new home very shortly after.
This time he checked to ensure there were no cats living there first.

Extra, extra!
I got bored yesterday and decided to play about with PhotoShop.