Thursday, March 22, 2007

This might sound odd, but sometimes I'm not convinced I am female.

I started thinking about this after a Meme a while back, wherein it asked 'List 3 things about you that are definitely 'Girly'. All I could list was that I have boobs, and a wide variety of bubbly stuff in the bathroom.
Okay, so I look and feel the part, I've got the necessaries for the birth certificate, and oh yes, I do like men, but that's about where it ends.
I was dragged brought up with a maternal influence that although was very glamorous, also taught me how to do DIY and drive, so it was the norm for me to know how to change a plug and fill a car with petrol from an early age.
I learnt to be self sufficient early on as well. From age nine, I could rustle up a cooked meal either in a kitchen or over a camp fire, and if truth be told, would have quite happily lived out camped in a tent in the back garden rather than playing with dolls and make-up.
I didn't have any brothers around to 'look after me' and no sisters to learn how to be 'girly' from, so if anybody had a go at me, I'd have a go back, be they male or bigger than me, I didn't care, I didn't like having my toys taken from me.
As I got into my teens, most girls I knew wanted nothing more than to slap layers of make-up on and get a boyfriend asap, with the ultimate aim of marriage and motherhood. Me? I was hanging out with the boys with bikes and leather whenever possible, and motherhood was the furthest thing from my mind.
In my twenties, I realized that motherhood was definitely not for me. If I'd been provided with a body clock, someone had forgotten to put the batteries in, and although I'm more than happy for other people to have kiddies if that's what they want, I've never, ever felt that overwhelming urge to have one of my own. Apparently that's not 'normal' for a woman, but for me it was. Following quite serious 'women's problems'*, I had a hysterectomy at 31, and have never, ever regretted it. For me it was a sense of relief, and again, according to what 'the norm' is, not what a woman should feel. I 'should' have felt in mourning for not being a complete woman, and had a sense of loss that my femininity had been taken away. Sod that, I didn't fall over in pain for a week a month, and could get on with my life again without fear of getting pregnant should the chance of a shag arise, woohoo!
Other factors that have me thinking, are that I've always hated 'shopping'. I like going round charity shops when I get a chance, but to go to mainstream stores and spend hours deciding on what bikini or pashmina to get is enough to make me want to climb a bell tower with an Uzi.
Gossip and bitchiness is also an anathema to me, as is complaining about the men in my life. So often I hear women say things like 'Oh he's so crap, he's never nice to me, he's a twat!'. Well if he's a twat, who's a twat for staying with him then, eh?
'Girls Nights Out' also fill me with dread. I never know what to talk about, as I have no idea about fashion, WAGS, celebrity gossip and babies, and any gentle nudging to get the conversation round to 'puters or dressing up as a Viking and hitting people in forests is usually ignored or they stare at me as if I'd mentioned eating their children in a bun.
I despair of women who need a man around should something break in the house or the car needs filling with petrol, and I almost screamed at one who smiled sweetly at a chap in her pub and asked 'Would he change a light bulb for her as she didn't know how'.
But most despised of all in my mind, are the type of trolls so called women, who fluff themselves up and act all helpless in order to get a man, especially one with money, so that they can have a few kiddies and then take them to the cleaners for alimony and child support for the rest of their lives, and worse are the sort that break up marriages and families to do so. It really pisses me off that women like that give the minority like myself such a bad name.
Last few factors: Apparently I drive like a bloke, I talk like a bloke when needs be, I'd far prefer to watch Die Hard than Dancing on Ice, I can shoot as well as a man**, survive in the wild if I have to, I don't feel the need to look perfect before going to the shops, I can fight (even better with a spear or sword in hand) and although I've been told I 'scrub up well' I hate wearing make-up and dainty, high heels, mainly because I tend to fall over and end up looking like a panda on drugs after I try to rub the gunk out of my eyes after forgetting I've put slap on for once.
I'm still trying to think of a third thing for that meme...

*Something girly I guess.
**And better than some I know.