Thursday, February 08, 2007

Q. What's cold, white and fluffy, and brings the south of England to a standstill?

A. A polar bear with a nuclear warhead.

Either that or a couple of inches of snow. Once again it's snowed overnight here in London, and the only topic on the news right now is about 'The Blizzard'* and the chaos it's causing.
Airports are closed, trains are barely running, schools are closed and the AA is getting 20% more call outs than usual.
Every year it's the same thing; 'Chaos! Danger!' scream the headlines, 'Don't go outside unless you really, really have to!' we're warned.
And all because of a couple of inches of snow, which we really should be used to by now. After all, it's not as if it's a new thing, is it? I could understand if we got snowed in under three feet of the stuff, but three inches? Risible. Really.
A fair few years ago I was working in Chiswick, and to get there I travelled by BR, then the Underground. One morning I woke up to find it had snowed very heavily, so I threw my 'office clothes' into a backpack, and got bundled up in layers over my thermals, donned my snowboots and set off to the station. On the platform were people shivering in the cold. Hardly surprising as they were just wearing their regular suits, and one girl was even wearing high heels. In six inches of snow.
It's as if every time the snow melts, people in England have their memories wiped clean so that when it comes back the next year, they're totally unprepared, panic, and wonder why they get cold and fall over in the strange and alien stuff that coats their land.
I woke up around 6 o'clock this morning after hearing a crash outside, and a few minutes later the phone rang. It was a neighbour informing me that the-ex-partner-in-crime's car had been driven into 'because of the snow'.
Bollox. The snow didn't cause the accident, the dozy bint who had no clue about how to cope with driving in the snow caused it.
I can understand why some folk don't like snow, such as the elderly or those who have problems walking and so, but them wot complain about it because 'it's an inconvenience', I have no sympathy for.
Yesterday, the London papers and news programmes told us we were going to get snow, so there was every opportunity to prepare for it. We don't get enough of the stuff to merit putting snow tyres on cars, but at least take a couple of minutes to place a tarp over the windows so you don't have to de-ice the vehicle, and if you can't be ar*ed to do that, then don't complain about being late for work 'because of the snow'.
Anyway, I love snow. My snowboots and furry hat are at the ready, and my camera is set to shiny.
Pudsey and I are going out to the park now.
We may be some time.

*Blizzard, my ar*e. It's a bit of snow. This is a blizzard.