Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Not-so-Mystic Misty's Predictions for 2007

January The paparazzi have a field day, when John Prescott is spotted eating a panda in London Zoo. His defence will be, that he thought he was in the cafe, and had found a black and white, extra large pie.
Festivities will continue for much of February, as Chris Martin is killed in a freak accident involving a marmoset, lightning rod, and the entire cast of The Sound of Music.
The Nation will cheer, as Her majesty, Queen Lizzie, wins this year's Celebrity Big Brother, beating the second favourite, Stephen Hawking, in a landslide of votes.
April, and the USA reels at the news that GW Bush, and Hilary Clinton have spawned a secret love-child, believed to only have been discovered when an operation to remove it's horns, and 666 birthmark goes wrong.
May. Brings flocks of pretty lambs, skipping by their fleecy dams, before being barbecued by Abi Titmuss and Chris Evans, on the occasion of their wedding in Skegness.
June will bring a surprise for Tony Bliar in the form of a parcel marked 'Dere Toni, we luv u! URGR8! Which he opens, believing it to be from a fan. His last words will be, "Oh, what a nice clock!" before the timer goes off.
July, and the nation is shocked by the news that Victoria Beckham is really a top scientist, whose work on (Who am I kidding. No-one's going to believe that one)
August will find the nation flocking to the latest, hot holiday spot, being Balham, Gateway to the South!
September sees the long awaited get together of The Spice Girls, as they are charged with crimes against humanity by The United Nations, for their god-awful single, Wannabe.
October Paris Hilton will manage to string together a coherent sentence, when collecting her Nobel Prize for Literature.
November And the whole world rejoices, as Misty and Alan Rickman tie the knot in a wedding ceremony at their new castle in Scotland.
December Nothing much will happen in December, other than the uprising of the Turkey Freedom Fighters, being turkeys, armed with tiny little AK47s gunning down Bernard Matthews in a bloody showdown in Bognor.

So, those are my predictions for 2007. What do you reckon the coming year has to bring for us, eh?