Monday, November 27, 2006

Morning all, and welcome to another wacky week in the blogosphere!
I won't be around much today as I'm off to a funeral in a little while. No relation of mine, but a good friend's dad who'll be getting a jazz band send off after the ceremony.
But jazz music or not, funerals are never any fun. To rectify this, I've decided when I go, there are going to be a few stipulations at mine.
Firstly, everybody there is to wear black; not because it's for mourning, it's my favourite colour, but also they must wear a party hat of the gaudiest variety possible and also a red nose. This applies to whoever is conducting the ceremony too.
There will be no flowers (send the money saved to the RSPCA instead) but there will be a twenty-one party popper salute.
The ceremony must be done in a place where animals are welcome.
I don't really care much what happens to my body when I'm gone, as it won't be anything to do with me then, so if anybody can use any bits for transplants or whatever - fine by me.
A longship burial would be very cool though, being sent out to sea in a blaze of glory is my kind of cremation. Can't see it happening on the river Brent though.
Music will include Amazing, by Aerosmith, Always look on the bright side of life, by the Monty Python team, and a 'traditional viking song' called Filthy Vikings.*
Anyway, moving onto the wake. I intend to make it one to remember, so the first thing will be for everybody in the funeral cortege to go to a McDonalds drive through and purchase happy meals, while still wearing black, with the hat and nose accessories.
After that, there will be the real party. Nobody will be allowed to be maudlin, and a piñata will follow games such as hide and seek, and Twister. No clowns though. Clowns are evil and scary. Balloon animals will be permissible though, as will be jelly and ice cream. Alcohol will be mandatory.
Sounds like fun, eh? I'm almost sad I won't be there to enjoy it.
But I'm not planning on it happening for a very, very long time yet anyway.

Oh, and before I forget, what story would you like for tomorrow? Choices are:
Back to Skool
Emergency stop
Obscene phonecalls

*TTTO Men of Harlech