Sunday, July 09, 2006

Warning. This post contains ranting, and possible bad language. Oh, and the punctuation ain't all it should be, either*.

I don't know if it's because I'm getting older, or that my medikashun may need reviewing, but recently I have found myself shouting at the television quite frequently; mainly at the adverts**.
Some culprits are along the 'Hey, let's badly dub a really cheap, foreign advert, so that people think we care enough about them, to think we want to impress them!' genre. The ads are invariably crap in the first instance, and would be better replaced by simply putting a cardboard sign up to the camera, saying 'Buy this frozen pizza/room deodorizer/pterodactyl! It's really rather good, and quite cheap!' for thirty seconds.
The next lot, are any that claim that their shampoo/ sanitary product/ miracle face cream with added 'symbioticgelatinorgasmatronsharksnot', has been voted 'Best Product!' Voted by who exactly? A panel of inmates from the local 'home for the mentally strange' that rather liked the taste of it, or tried to use it to grease their genital cuffs? Pffft! It's not going to wash with me, they're foolin' nobody.
One that seriously gets my gander up, is from a Credit Company that shall go un-named, *cough* whose latest advert features puffins, and a crab. The puffins (one adult, and a sprinkling of chicks) are all sitting in a very small nest. After some shoving and squawking, one of the chicks gets pushed out of the nest, is rescued by the crab, who then waves a credit card and transforms said nest into a way bigger one, with loads of room for them to live happily ever after in. Now, any body who knows anything about puffins, can tell you that they don't bloody live in nests, they live in burrows. So is it that the company doesn't care enough to check facts, or are they implying that potential customers are stupid? Whichever way, or for whatever reasons, I'm certainly not going to use them, thankyouverymuch.
But the one that gets me frothing at the mouth, is the new(ish) campaign to teach children Road Safety. Years ago, we had the Green Cross Code Man! A Super Hero Character, (who was also some bloke out of Star Wars's dad) that impressed our young, pliable minds that were hell bent on trying to run into oncoming traffic, that it was not a good idea to do that sort of thing. I found the thought, that if I stepped of the kerb without following The Code, a big bloke would come along and possibly smack the shit out of of me, a bloody good deterrent. Now though, Darth Vader Green Cross Code Superbloke, has been replaced by some singing hedgehogs. Yep, you heard me. Hedgehogs. Those spiky, lumpy things that you normally see either flattened in the middle of roads, or under your hubcaps. Now spank me with a kipper and call me Ruprect if I'm wrong, but I don't reckon that a species renowned for normally being seen as roadkill, is the best example of something to instill road safety into the yoof of today's minds.
Anyhoo, there are many other reasons that I hurl abuse at the goggle-box, but I won't bore you with them just yet. Anybody else got any advertising peeves you want to tell me about? I promise I won't start ranting again.


*So what's new...?
**I know it's sad, but at least it makes a change from at screaming at the telly when it's switched off, okay?