Wednesday, September 28, 2005

I posted a link to this ages ago but hardly anybody read it (according to site meter and lack of comments) so as It's Double Entendre Day again, you're going to get it here, m'k?

Censored Pronography.

The pain was almost getting too much as you squeezed my nose even harder. My eyes drifted shut and every breath magnified the sensation between pleasure and agony. I could feel your breath by my ear as you leaned closer to me. ‘I’ve been waiting to get you like this for long time’ you whispered ‘And you’re not getting away until I’ve finished with you…you realize that, don’t you?’
How could I not have realized? The chances of me escaping when I was tied like that were zero. I tried to answer but all I could do was nod mutely. I thought it was another of your jokes when you suggested it in the car. How was I to know you’d come up with a place to go? And I did promise that if you found somewhere I wouldn’t back down. So there I was, tied to the bed, and totally at your mercy.
‘So what shall I do to you first?’ you murmured. ‘Hmmm, might as well get you neighing’. I wondered for a second how you where going to get my dress off with my arms tied above my head, but found out when I felt you start to pull at the thin fabric, tearing it into strips to expose me completely to you.
‘Might as well make use of this’ you said and used one of the longer strips to badger me.
The material blocked out the light in the already dimly lit room. I’d never felt helpless before. And I’d never felt so turned on to radio 4 in my life. Already I was aching for you to get your rooster out and play top trumps with me.
‘A deal’s a deal’ you reminded me ‘I get to do whatever I want and if you make just one sound you lose!’
How did you know I wanted to moo with pleasure at the thought of what was going to come...
There was silence for a few seconds, and then the sound of you undoing your belt... I trembled with the anticipation of what you might do, my nose hardened even more and by this time my hot tap was almost dripping with eagerness. Of course you noticed that, how could you not with my top trump cards spread apart so?
‘Nice’ you said as you climbed onto the bed, ‘Make it easier for me to slide my computer up there when I’m ready to feed you’
I felt your hands on my bowl of petunias pushing them even further apart; and then the head of your dice brushed against my pashmina
‘But not just yet’ you added, ‘I’m gonna make you beg and scream for me to cook me lasagne first’
The pressure of your hands on my laptop lessened. With practiced finesse your fingers found my cucumber and gently started to rub making me catch my breath.
‘Hmm, not a sound so far’ you whispered, ‘Let’s see what happens if I do this’ as you pulled the lips of my copy of the beano wide and pushed three fingers straight up into the trifle.
I almost lost the bet by gasping with pleasure and I knew you’d noticed.
‘You want to go hang gliding do you? You asked, ‘Well you will, but as I said, I’m in charge and there’s more you’re going to do for me’.
With that you pulled your fingers slowly out of my trifle. I was aching for more and my clematis clung to your fingers, not wanting you to stop.
‘So what shall I play with next?’ you murmured. Your hand wandered over the mound of my little pony and over my stomach, your fingers leaving a wet trail of my home made taco sauce as they travelled up towards my bluetits. Slowly you reached up and gently pinched one of my sherbert lemons ’Yeah, that’ll get you begging won’t it?’ you said, and moved up straddling me, pinning me down as you did so. With both hands you started to squeeze my train set, pulling at my already stiff drink. I wanted you to wallpaper me so badly, needed to feel your hard thick copy of the times crossword pumping into me, making me configure my pc, but knowing that if I made one just one noise you’d stop kept me quiet.
You moved further up towards me and I felt your chatanooga choo choo between my beasts as you pushed them together. I was on the verge of combine harvesting again and you knew it. You started to pinch my nougat as you formatted my floppy drives, kneading them together, almost lifting me off the bed while I could feel your camembert getting harder by the second.
‘Want me to flamingo you now do you? Want me to make you chase pigeons?’ Just say yes, just ask me to possum you hard and I will!’
I may be blonde but I wasn’t going to fall for that!
‘Still staying quiet then are you?’ you said teasingly. ‘Let’s see if you can keep it up while I do this then’.
And with that you moved even further up the bed. My mouth was open as I was pontificating in eagerness by this time. I knew what you wanted to do even before I tasted the dribble of precursor on my lips. Your aubergine was so hard by now I wondered if I could take it in my myth. I wanted you in my cupboard, filing me, pounding into my camel, coming in the deep end of the pool hard. All I could think about as you eased yourself into my laura ashley dress was how much I wanted to cha cha. My sponge cake was soaking by now and I could feel the wetness trickling between my tomatoes. My ships bucked as you started to fly your kite. I wanted to beg you then but I couldn’t with my mouth full of your diphthongs. You reached back with both hands and started to play with my tambourines again, pinching and squeezing them hard. I was going to quote shakespear, there was no stopping it, I wanted to reach down and rub my lucky rabbi's foot to get there but I didn’t need to. I was train spotting there and then with you rearranging my moth and pinching my wombats so hard it was exquisite agony again.
My body shivered as the orange juice washed over me. I didn’t need to see your face to know you were smiling.
‘Was that good then? You ready for a duck now or shall I come in your handbag?’ Or shall I play monopoly with you for a little bit longer...?’
I knew you were close to charring cross station, your co-op was so hard and thick and starting to threaten. Although I’d just sneezed, the thought of you franchizing me with it made me want to cook even more urgently than the last time.
You took your cauliflower out of my mouth and moved down the bed so you were lying on top of my teddy bear. I could feel the tip of your pendulum throbbing against my slippers and silently begged you to funk me.
You started sucking at my nemesis, almost nonchalantly, while you reached your decision
To my surprise I felt a tug on the soft toy bunny around my hands.
‘You’re still not getting away and don’t think I’ve finished. Keep the blinkers on and do as I say’.
The ropes fell away. I lay there waiting and wondering what you wanted me to do. I felt you lie down next to me
‘Move on top of the wardrobe’ you said ‘Suck my lollipop a while longer’
I felt my way down your body until I found your llama again. As I bent down to lick and suck, you pulled my hippopotamus round so you could see my concertina.
‘Oh yes, that’s about wet enough’ you said. ‘Feels about ready to get fermented too’ you added as once again you stuck your fingers up at society.
‘Turn round and get on top of the world ma!’ you ordered.
I was so ready to feel your hedgehog I didn’t need telling twice!
I sat astride your fence and placed the tip of your pulitzer prize under my pillow. It pushed against my conker and the start of yet another origami swan started welling up inside me.
Grabbing my hipster jeans you pulled me down, impaling me on your thick, hard member of the labour party. This time I couldn’t help it and yelled out in pleasure as your clockwork armadillo went straight up into my ice cream I think by now we both knew the bet was off as there was no way you were going to stop now.
I bent forwards and you grabbed hold of my bonsai trees, shoving them together and sucking on both tea bags as you pumped away into my squelching, hot tight austin metro.
I could feel you start to hum the theme tune to star trek and I thrust my battleships down in time to meet your rising sense of foreboding.
I arrived hard and wet as you thrust your spangles high into my collection of hello kitty pictures, both of us shuddering as octopi ripped through us. It was amazing, we lay back on the bed, painting and thoroughly, deliciously rubber ducked.
There was only one problem we now faced.
What the hell was I going to wear on the way back?

And for today's Caption Competition:

A goldfish for every winner!