Once again, I am so, so very sorry about lack of post yesterday, but honestly, Tuesdays have been seriously jinxed for me recently, and yesterday found me stuck on the M25 for hours which meant I missed another load of stuff I had to do!

GAH!

But next Tuesday I aint'ent going anywhere if I have any say in the matter, and I promise I will get round to posting whichever of the last Choose-O options has the most votes by then, akay?

But right now it's Wednesday; Double Entendre Day as it's known in this little corner of the Blogosphere, and to celebrate in the traditional manner I've once again trawled the depths of then intermanet and found you another spectacularly interesting photo to get your grey cells ticking over so that you can give my box another fabulous stuffing, being this -

There's a scampi fry going for every entry left and a tuna filled vol-au-vent available should I get me a much needed 69.

You know what to do, so get to it...

Please?

Woohoo, it's Monday, and what a weekend I've had!

Saturday was the usual routine day and nothing incredibly exciting happening, but Sunday brought about the annual Garden Party for local residents in my area.
It was the normal show; Pimms on tap and and a delicious variety of nibbles to chomp whilst listening to the band or watching the 'children's' entertainer*, and also (and this was the best bit) a quiz on the topic of local history.
Here are a few of the questions** -

Q. Who was King of England (1189 - 1199) at the end of the 12th Century?
Q. The first man to carry an umbrella in London is buried in the crypt at St. Mary's Church, Hanwell. What was his name?
Q. Name the international recording star and dance band vocalist of the 1930s who is buried in a mass grave in Hanwell Cemetery with other victims of the WWII air raids on London?
Q. Which rare, protected bird, Larin name Alcedo atthis, can now be seen feeding and nesting along the banks of the River Brent in Hanwell?
Q. Who designed and engineered the Wharncliffe Viaduct (in Hanwell) in 1836 - 37?
Q. Which iconic landmark bridge did this same engineer design when he was only 24 years old?

Now remember, this quiz was entered by a load of people who have been taking part in Pub quizzes for years, and are also experts of topics such as history, both local and other, and trivia in general, and because the Ex-partner-in-crime helped set the quiz and therefore couldn't enter, I was in a team with only Fuzzy Duck to help me, and although he's great at finding worms and drinking cider, an historian he ain't. Also, I couldn't get to my 'puter to Google anything either.
Guess who won the quiz then?

Yep, yours truly, even though the Ex-partner-in-crime marked me down a point as he reckoned that one of my answers was George II, not III as I'd written.
As well as the kudos I got a bottle of champers, which was nice!

I think I ought to go to a pub quiz in the near future, especially if the questions are on local history and there's money to be won!

Anyhoo, enough about me, how are you and how was your weekend?

*Aimed at ankle-biters, but the grown-ups loved it as well!
** Without Googling, have a guess. I'll give you the answers later.

F-f-f-friday! And it's too hot to think round here!

So I've decided that you lot can entertain me for a change by telling me your favourite jokes! Oh, and also, (as I haven't done it for a while) you can also ask me a question if you'd like to. Rules are same as last time; anything smutty will be ignored, but other than that, ask away!*

ttfn, have a fabulous weekend, and try doing anything I wouldn't if you dare...



*She types with a strange feeling of foreboding...

Thursday, 8th July, 2010.
Approx, 13:00 hours.
After going to the local shops I chose to take the scenic route home. During my walk I found a rather nice and sturdy wooden branch about 5ft long, which with a bit of work can be made into a walking stick, so I decided to carry it home. I also found a discarded football which I reckoned a certain doggy friend of mine would love to play with, so I carried that home with me as well.

Approx, 13:15 hours.
Whilst walking through the park carrying my large branch, a bluebottle community police officer walks up to me and asked me what I was doing with the stick to which I replied 'I'm carrying it'.
"What do you mean by 'you're carrying it'? the CPO asked and so I replied that he'd asked what I was doing with the stick and I said I was carrying it.
"That's not what I meant" he carried on, "I want to know why you're carrying it!" to which I replied that getting it to fly like a broomstick was beyond my capabilities, so in order to get it back home I was carrying it.
For some reason he didn't like my rejoinder and rater brusquely asked me if I was trying to be funny to which I replied "No, it just comes naturally".
This caused the CPO to glare at me for a few seconds while he tried to think of what to say next. Eventually he asked me what I was intending to do with the stick once I got it back home, and so I informed him of my intentions of turning it into a walking stick.
Again he glared at me while muling over my reply and then asked me if I knew I could be prosecuted for carrying an offensive weapon, to which I said that as far as I knew, footballs were not generally used for such a purpose.
It was at that point I noticed a vein on the CPO's forehead begin the throb before he told me in no uncertain terms that he was talking about the branch and what was my problem?
Doing my best to look innocent and not burst out laughing, I told him that I did not have a problem with carrying a branch and a football through the park, but that possibly a few parts of our conversation had been rather misconstrued, and maybe he'd like to start again so we could straighten the situation out.
Again, he glowered at me while the vein on his forehead throbbed and a few beads of sweat gathered on his top lip.
After some consideration on his part, he gave me his very best glare before telling me to watch it in future, and be careful as to what I carried through public areas.
I think I'm going to keep an eye out for a branch long enough to make a spare spear out of tomorrow; that could be fun to explain!

It's been another of those weeks so far, but I'm back home and online again, so hurrah!

Monday I couldn't get online for some bizzare reason, and yesterday I went out for what I thought was going to be a quick trip to the Angel, Islington as the Ex-partner-in-crime had to attend a court hearing to appeal a parking charge from Ealing council. That went well, but the state of the Underground meant that I didn't get back until nearly 9pm and promptly fell fast aspleep upon doing so.

But anyhoo, back I am, and as it's Double Entendre Day, howsabout another Caption Competition? I found today's piccy while sniffing through Flickr and it comes courtesy of David. C. Foster, and is this -


There's a monkey nut going for every entry and a banananana available should I get me a long awaited 69!

So as usual, Get Stuck In!

Well, my 'new' puter is almost up and running the way I want it to, I've almost finished packing for another weekend aways fighting and pillaging, outside the sun is almost shining, it's lovely and warm, and I have the feeling that once again I've forgotten to do something important.

I've been so hectic the last week or so I've barely had time to scratch me bum.
I've had to see my solicitor (which is always stressful) had to call an ambulance for the Ex-partner-in-crime after he began to choke on a bit of steak, go with Ex-partner-in-crime to private hospital in Kent for some tests he needed, deal with the 'puter situation, get barred and reinstated from my local pub (It's a long story) take and sort photos to send to the local newspaper after an incident in Hanwell Broadway which they were going to use until a more 'exciting' story made the front page instead, and worry about a friend of mine who appears to have vanished off the face of the planet after sending me a text saying he'd caught the wrong bus and would be with me in about ten minutes last Tuesday!
I read a story a while ago about a man who sold his 'life' to the highest bidder. I'd offer to sell mine but I doubt there'd be any takers at the moment!

But afore I go, I've had another idea for a game to play, being -

"What's The Most Inappropriate Thing To Say During A Job Interview?'

For example:

So which one of you do I have to shag to get this job then?
I'll need every Monday morning off to get to my rehab group else I lose my place on the programme.
Is that your wife in this photo or a drag queen?
When I said I'd had experience, I didn't say I'd any experience relevant to this job.
I can't work after 6pm or at weekends because of the tag on my leg, is that a problem?
Sorry about the smell, I couldn't find the toilet in time earlier.
I'll have to bring my pit-bull terrier into work with me because I can't leave him at home alone since he escaped and ate next-door's cat.
So what's the company policy on 'recreational' drugs then?
I know wearing a push-up bra, high-heels and a mini-skirt to an interview might seem a bit slutty, but the wife won't know I've borrowed hers again so no problem.
Do you press charges?

Etc, so on and so forth. And I know you lot can do far better, so have at it, have a fabulous weekend, and hopefully I'll be back online again soon!

ttfn,