Ye gods how the time flies by! Seems like only a week's gone by since the last Double Entendre Day!

Oh...

Anyway, as it's time for yet another Caption Competition I've found you a photo of a topless blond falling out of a car to get your brains going -


There's a Jelly Vodka shot going for every entry and Sex on the Beach available should I get another 69!

So... That's it really.

Over to you, have at it &c...

I know, I missed posting yesterday which means that yesterday's Choose-O will now be today for posting on Thursday.

But before I get to the options I have another little anecdote to impart.

It began when a friend of mine was selling some underwear; all brand new etc, just an unwanted bulk-load of assorted knickers, and as they were my size and only a fiver for the lot I bought them from her.
A few days ago I was once again in my local pub with the Ex-partner-in-crime, and we were discussing the world in general when he mentioned that he'd bumped into a friend of mine who'd asked how I was, but he couldn't remember her name.
He described her, and and I eventually twigged who he was talking about and in a loud voice - because the Juke Box was playing rather loudly as well - said 'Oh, yes, I got the knickers off her!' at exactly the same moment as the song ended and the pub was quiet.
All eyes turned on me as I tried to hide in the corner.
My life really is one of those 'You had to be there moments' at times...

Anyhoo, Choose-O time, and your options are -

• Speech
• Snap
• Weird Science

Select wisely my cherubs, and while you're down there, why not tell me all about your weekends or any embarrassing moments that you've had!
As always, I promise to keep anything you tell me a secret!

Woohoo for weekends!

And also for almost doing a whole week of blogging again! Sorry about yesterday but 'life' got in the way of things I wanted to do.
But anyway, tis Friday once more and your subject to get your grey matter working again is another 'How Many Different Uses Can You Think Of For An Ordinary Everyday Item?'
If you haven't played this before, what happens is that I give you an item to think of, like say - a spoon - and you have to think of as many ways of using is as possible, such as -

• To dig your way out of prison very slowly.
• To play 'Spoons' with.
• To dig someone's heart out with.*

And so on and so forth.
Today's Ordinary Everyday Item has been mentioned in literature as being one of the most useful things to have with you while you hitch-hike around the galaxy, and is-

A Towel.

As the late, great Douglas Adams already stated, you can "wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to- hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindbogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you - daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough."

And as usual, I'm certain you lot can think up many more wonderful and ingenious ways of using one, so over to you, and have as fabulous a weekend as you possibly can!

ttfn,



*"Why a spoon?"
"Because it hurts more, you twit!"

Once again it's Wednesday, which means it's time for yet another Double Entendre Day, Caption Competition, yeeehah!

Once again I've spent precious time trawling teh intermanet in order to find you the perfect photo for you to get your grey matter working, and eventually I came up with this -


There's a juicy carrot going for every entry, and a delicious beef tomato available should I get me a 69!

You should know what to do by now, so get on and do it!

Kaboom!

Once upon a time, a friend of mine went to university.
She was younger than me by some years, and was, according to all who met her, very intelligent.
At school she'd got top marks in all her classes, her favourites of which were maths, science and physics, and she received lots of pieces of special paper proving she was good at the subjects as well.
She stayed on at school in order to get her A levels in all her favourite subjects, and because she passed with very good grades, quite a few universities said they would be very pleased if she would go to them to study even more.
So, she sat down with her mummy and daddy and talked about which was the best place for her to go to and after they'd decided that, they then had to choose whether or not she stayed in halls or with some other students in a house share.
Now, although my friend was very clever, she was totally naive when it came to simple things such as how to use a washing machine, boil an egg, or use a vacuum cleaner, as all the time she'd been living at home, her mummy had done everything for her.
Taking this into account, her and her parents decided that staying in halls would be the best option, mainly because there would always be someone nearby to help her with anything domestic, and also she wouldn't have to cook as there was a nearby canteen and cafe on campus.
And so, later that summer, off she went to stay away from home for the first time in her life.
She settled into uni life quite well apart from a severe bout of home-sickness which she got over by studying hard and discovering alcohol and boys for the first time in her life.
Some months went by and she was invited to spend a weekend at some friends from her class that were staying in shared digs a few miles away from campus.
Off she went with her overnight bag and a large bottle of cider to enjoy the party, and enjoy the party she did indeed.
The next day, around lunchtime, she awoke to find the rest of the household still asleep.
As she had not eaten much the night before, she was rather hungry and so she went to have a rifle through the kitchen cupboards to find something to eat.
To her joy she unearthed a small tinned steak and kidney pudding, which was one of her favourites as her mummy had cooked it for her many times before.
She read the instructions which stated that the pudding could either be boiled in the tin for a long time, or placed in the microwave for a couple of minutes, and being rather hungry she went for the latter option.
She placed the pudding in the microwave, and decided that the 'high' option would be even quicker, and to speed things up even more, she decided it might be an idea to give it a couple of minutes extra, just in case.
She then went into the front room to have a sit down and await the 'ping'.
But the 'ping' never came.
Instead, a short while later, there came a bloody great,

KABOOM!

Which woke everyone in the house and some of the neighbours.
My friend went back into the kitchen to find the microwave in parts, which in turn were covered in fragments of steak and kidney pudding and gravy, strewn around the kitchen.
When her friends asked her what she'd done, it transpired that she had missed out rather important parts of the instructions, such as taking the pudding out of the tin, or even making a hole in the lid of the tin to let the pressure out. She did not know (despite her love for physics and science) that it is not a good idea to put pressurized metal objects into a microwave.
Unless of course you want to try and make it explode.

Wotha grooverth, and welcome to another wacky week in the blogothphere!
Before we get onto today'th Choothe-O for tomorrow'th entertainment, I would like you all to give a big round of applauthe the my faithful, little hippo, who onthe again accompanied me to the dentith today.
It wathn't ath bad ath I thought it would be ath I only got a filling rather than having the tooth pulled out, but I'm thtill feeling rather groggy from the aneththetic and I'm having difficulty talking properly too.
Half of my fathe ith thtill numb, and I think I've bitten my tongue a couple of timeth, but at leatht I'm not drooling.
At leatht I don't think I am.
Tho anywayth, before I forget, your choitheth for tomorrow'th Choothe-O are -

• Thpeech.
• Thnap!
• Kaboom!

Pleathe choothe withely, and don't forget to tell me all about your weekend'th while you're down there, akay?

If anyone wanth me, I'll be back in bed, trying to drink thome thoup.

ttfn!

F-f-f-friday once again, woo, and indeed hoo!

Thus the weekend beckons, promising possible adventure, romance and excitement but will more than likely contain shopping for food, watching Casualty and spleeping late on Sunday.
I can barely contain myself; the anticipation is too much...

Anyways, I have another topic for you to ponder over, being this.

Which five famous people would you most like to go to have a drink in a pub with, and why?

After some cogitation and deliberation, here are my choices.

Alan Rickman. If I could pluck up the courage to say something other than 'muh' I would try and talk him into letting me act with him, preferably one of the scenes from Private Lives.
Billy Connolly. I'd probably be laughing too much to get a word in edgeways, but I reckon we'd find plenty of common ground to talk about.
Cynthia Heimel. Not only is she one of my favourite writers, she lives for her dogs and works tirelessly to help those in need of love and help.
Neil Oliver. Not only do I love his accent (the rest of him's not bad either!) but I'd love to ask him about his work, and I'd also try and get him to take me to Smalls Lighthouse for a few days.
Bill Bailey. According to those who know him, he's as funny and lovable in the flesh as he is 'on stage'.

And for those who thought I'd have Richard Hammond and Sebastien Chabal on my list, they're wrong. I'd love to meet them, but I wouldn't want to waste time talking to them!

And so, over to you. I promise I won't tell anyone else your secrets, honest.

Have a wonderful weekend y'all!

ttfn!

A few days ago, my friend Nigle and I were sitting in my local pub having a few beers and catching up on the latest gossip and so.
The day before, the Ex-Partner-In-Crime had been talking to a woman who was looking for a home for one of her dogs as they'd started fighting (the two dogs, not the woman and the dog) and she wasn't able to stop them once they'd begun, and the EPIC had asked if I'd like to view the dog and maybe give it a new home at mine.
I'd been told that the dog was a female, neutered and chipped Staffordshire Bull Terrier crossed with a 'something', was called Diana, and that whoever gave her a home could not change her name.
Now personally, I don't like the name Diana for a dog, or rather 'bitch' as I prefer dogs to have more 'doggy' sort of names, like Mutley, or Chips, or Sheba. I'd feel ridiculous calling out 'Diana' at the top of my voice in the park if the thing refused to come back to me, as people might think I'd lost a child instead of a dog. If I decided to take the dog, I would have to change the name.
I asked Nigle what sort of a dog got called 'Diana', to which he replied,
"Maybe one that gets married to a King Charles Spaniel then gets run over by a car?"
Beer came out of my nose at that point, and it took me a good ten minutes to stop laughing.

BTW, I didn't take the dog, but not because of its name.

Greetings, and top 'o the mornin' to ya on this fine Saint Patrick's Day!

I'm not one of the people that celebrate today by going to the nearest pub that's selling green lager at half price until closing time, neither will I be dressing up as a leprechaun or wearing special hats advertizing Guinness on them either.

I will be eschewing the celebrations and anything green and alcoholic.
However, today is a great day for a Double Entendre Day Caption Competition with a difference, and so I have once again trawled the internet for something special for you.

It is this -


A pint of green lager for every entry, and a large, green whisky available should I get an ever elusive 69!

Without further ado,

Get Stuck In!

Buzzzzz

Many moons ago when I was about eighteen years old, I got invited to a good friend's Hen Party.
A gang of about six of us had planned to meet up in a pub in London on the afternoon of the do, with the intention of getting some Hen Party odds and ends and also a pressie for the Bride.
We planned our shopping list over a couple of bottles of wine and then headed off to the nearest shop that sold... well... 'adult' toys.
Giggling and blushing we surveyed the array of goods on display, and after some deliberation we all agreed on getting the bride a splendid, shiny, gold vibrator as after an earlier conversation we'd learned that she'd never seen one before and to tell the truth, most of us had never seen one either, being so young and innocent back then.
We also got some of the more usual Hen accessories, and after the chap working the cash register reminded us to get some batteries, we headed back to the pub, still giggling and blushing.
We ordered some more wine while we had a look at our purchases, but as the pub was rather busy, we decided to take the vibrator into the loo to see what it did.
We waited until there were no other people in the loos before carefully unwrapping the box and putting the batteries into it so it would be ready to go at the party later.
Of course, we had to switch it on to make sure it worked and work it certainly did!
We set it on it's end on the shelf by the sinks and watched as it whirled around like a small, gold, penis-shaped dervish, all the while making a rather loud 'Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz'.
As we watched and laughed we heard the door to the loos open and one of us quickly grabbed the vibrator and went to switch it off.
But it would not switch off.
A few seconds later a woman entered the toilets to be met by a group of girls all standing stock still and looking as innocent as possible whilst in the background a loud 'Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz' filled the room.
As soon as the woman went into a cubicle we tried again to switch it off, but to no avail. We even tried to take out the batteries, but no luck there either.
Eventually, after about ten minutes it finally fell silent and stopped vibrating, and we put it back into the box and wrapped it before heading back to our drinks.
The Hen Party was great fun. The bride fell about laughing at her pressie and laughed even more when we told her what had happened in the pub. The rest of the night was rather blurry in parts, but I remember the stripper most vividly. Strange how some things stay in the memory after so many years, eh?
Anyway, that night we all stayed at one of our little gang's flat in Covent Garden, and the next morning we were woken by a strange noise.
A strange 'buzzing' noise to be exact.
Somehow the vibrator had switched itself on again, and once again we could not switch it off.
We were beginning to think it was possessed by that point, although what the heck would posses a vibrator we weren't sure.
After breakfast we all began to wend our separate ways home after promising to meet up again as soon as possible for another girl's night out. The bride took home her present after vowing to bring it back to the next party just for a larf.
Later that evening, I got a call from one of the girls who told me that the bride had had a very embarrassing incident on the train journey home.
She'd been sitting in a crowded carriage with her bag containing her pressie on the seat next to her and had been wearing her Walkman with the sound up rather loud.
Rather loud was too loud for her to hear the loud buzzing noise emanating from her handbag and it was only after she realized that everyone in the carriage was staring at her, did she, to her horror, figure out that the vibrator had switched itself on again.
She fled to the nearest toilet to try and shut the thing up, but yet again it refused and she had to wait about fifteen minutes before it at last decided to stop buzzing.
Nothing exciting (apart from the wedding) happened for about six months.
By then it was almost Christmas and us girls planned about night out.
We met up at the same pub and as promised, the bride had brought along the gold vibrator.
Fortunately the thing stayed silent throughout the night, and the next day after breakfast we made plans for the next do.
I'd been invited to another friend's Hen Party and I asked if I could borrow the vibrator to take along, as I'd told my friend about how it switched itself on-and-off at random and she wanted to see it for herself.
I really wish I hadn't as guess what happened while I was on the bus?
Yep.
My handbag began to buzz and shudder and I ended up walking most of the way home along quiet backstreets.
Once at home I wrapped it up in as many plastic bags as possible (to muffle the sound in case it decided to have a buzz-fest) before shoving it underneath my sofa-bed.
All, apart from the occasional muffled buzzing from under my bed, was quiet for another few months, but then one day my home was sadly burgled.
It happened while my mum, dad and I were all out at work and I was the first one back to find the place ransacked.
Luckily the place hadn't been vandalized and the dogs were alright, but to say it was a bit of a shock was an understatement.
We all went through our things to see what had been taken so that we could give a list to the insurance company, and it was while I was checking for my jewelery box that I'd shoved right at the back of under my sofa-bed and was fortunately still there, did I realize that the possessed vibrator had been taken.
I thought about telling the police to keep an ear out for a loud buzzing noise that might bring them to the bastards who'd burgled us, but decided it was probably best not to.
But I can still imagine the expressions on the burglars faces as they found themselves with a gold vibrator that was possessed with a need to buzz whenever it wanted to and refuse to switch off until it was ready.
Oh, and I didn't put it on the list for the insurers either.

Monday Monday, can't trust that day, Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way, and 'that way' for me is a fabulous start to the week thanks to 'toothache' that kept me awake all last night.
I've got an emergency appointment at the dentist booked for later this afternoon, so for the next couple of hours I will be trying to get myself as calm as possible. Seeing as I'm terrified of going to the dentist and had to do some deep breathing just to walk in to get the appointment, I'd better try very hard to keep calm and not run out screaming as soon as the dentist asks me to open wide.
But brave I will be, as this toothache is bloody painful! If anyone out there has never had toothache before, consider themselves very lucky indeed. If you have had one of those toothaches that make you feel as if you want to rip your lower jaw out of your head just to make the pain stop, I'm sure you'll empathize.
I've had better starts to weeks before, but it''ll be over soon (I hope) and as long as I'm not drooling like an imbecile afterwards, I will venture out to the nearby park armed with camera to take loads of clickage in the gorgeous spring sunshine while it lasts.

But anyhoo, enough of talk of dentists, Monday means it's time for this week's Choose-O, and your options for tomorrow's entertainment are -

• Speech
• Crack
• Buzzzzzz

And of course, while you're down there, don't forget to tell me all about your weekends, and if you've got any jokes as well, please share as I think I'll be in need of a larf when I get back from the dentist.

I have my small, ever faithful toy hippo right by my side already.

Wish me luck!

Yay!, woot! and huzzah!

Not only is it Friday, but I've also managed to post every day since Monday as a) my 'puter's been behaving itself, my intermantet connection has stayed on, and c) I've shifted my Blogger's Block! Well, for the time being at least.

And as I already mentioned somewhere, I have a little sumfink for you to get'cher thinking caps on for again today.

It is a question, and it is 'What Evil Superpower Would You Most Like To Have?'

My good friend, Mr De Sade asked me the same while we were in my local pub yesterday, and we've already thought up a good many to get you in the mood, such as -

The ability to empty Cash Points (ATMs for American readers) at will.
(Imagine the fun and chaos to be had on a crowded Saturday afternoon in the centre of London when everyone starts chasing after £20 notes!)
The ability to render all lager non-alcoholic.
(Even worse, making the only drink to contain alcohol, Babycham!)
The ability to stop footballs from crossing white lines.
(Just use your imagination for that one!)
The ability to render every street surface extremely slippery.
(Again, just think about it!)
The power to ensure that all political leaders tell The Truth!
(Liar Liar!, on a huge scale!)
To be able to control all CD and DVD players to run backwards only.
The power to give all flying animals severe diarrhea.
The ability to make every parking space in the world 2 feet narrower.
And finally, to ensure that every Cold Caller and Door-to-Door salespersons get woken up avery hour, on the hour whenever they try to get to sleep.

One day the world will be mine, oh yes...

Anyhoo, as usual I'm sure you lot can think up all sorts of wonderfully evil poswers, so over to you, and have a fabulous weekend!

ttfn,

Huzzah! It's Thursday, and for the first time in ages I have an amusing anecdote to regale you with, and also, I have something fun planned for tomorrow, yay!

So anyway, I was in my local pub earlier (which in case you haven't been kept up to speed, is no longer the Dukeski of Yorkski, but is now a jolly decent place to go to again!) where there resides a young dog by the name of Scrappy.
Scrappy is a lovely young scamp aged two years old, whose raison d'être is to meet and greet customers as they enter the establishment.
He also enjoys playing games with the customers, and as he's such a friendly young thing with a very happy temperament, people enjoy playing with him as well.
He's taking a big liking to me and so whenever I walk through the door, I am immediately jumped on and thoroughly licked and sniffed as a welcome.
Scrappy also likes my ex-partner-in-crime, so much so that whenever the EPIC is seated at one of the tables, Scrappy will jump onto the surrounding furniture and ensure that the EPIC's ears are clean by licking them until a fight starts the EPIC gives Scrappy a cuddle and says 'No more, please young dog!'.
Earlier this evening, Scrappy was enjoying a bone treat that I'd purchased for him yesterday, and when the EPIC saw it, he decided to play a game with Scrappy that involved taking the bone away from him and winding him up by hiding it from him.
However, the EPIC was not expecting Scrappy to have a cunning plan of his own.
As soon as the Epic hide the bone behind his back, Scrappy grabbed hold of the EPIC's brand new, and rather expensive scarf that had just been given to him as a pressie.
Scrappy then refused to give the scarf back until the EPIC relinquished his bone.
Dog 1, EPIC 0.
And I haven't laughed so much for a very long time.
Good Dog.
Very Good Dog, indeed.

Aah, me darlin's, tis time for another Double Entendre Day, Caption Competition!

Of course, this means it's time to get down and dirty in my box and once again I've trawled teh intermanet for something delicious and delectable to get you in the mood!

Knowing that you lot have wide and varied tastes as to what counts as delicious and delectable, I used certain keywords in my search to find the perfect picture for this week's comp, such as 'kinky', 'unusual', and 'pretty' and I reckon I've found the perfect photo to suit everyone's palate, so without any further preamble or delay, here it is -



There's a scrummy finger of fudge going for every entry, and a yumptious mug of hot chocolate with extra marshmallows available should anyone get me to an every elusive, 69!

Get in there!

Magic

Some years ago I had a lovely car. It was a white Citroën which I named Binky, was very comfy, rarely let me down, and I really enjoyed driving around in it.
At the time I was doing a great deal of driving, mostly between Reading and London, and to add to my driving experience, I had a load of cassettes in the car to listen to as I hurtled sedately drove along the M4.
I also made up a load of mixed tapes from my CDs, and knowing about my love of music while driving, a then friend** made me a tape from a selection of her CDS.
I first played it while I was out driving on a gorgeously hot summer's day, and I turned up the volume, wound the window down and was soon having a fab time as I wended my way towards London.
I can't remember exactly what tracks were on the tape, but I knew most of them and couldn't help singing along and so as I drove.
The traffic had been very light but as I drew closer to home, things got rather more crowded and the nearer to home I got, the heavier the traffic got and the lower the speed limit signs became.
By the time I got to a large roundabout the traffic was very slow indeed, and also the tape came to the end of side 2.
As I waited at some traffic lights, surrounded by other cars, I was thinking about something other than the tape and I forgot that it was still on, and that the volume was up to almost full.
I also didn't know that my then friend had added a 'hidden bonus track' at the end of side 2.
The lights turned to green, and as I and the rest of the traffic slowly pulled away, I was suddenly deafened by the strains of the theme to The Magic Roundabout.
I couldn't help turning bright red as just about every other driver looked at me and thought feck knew what as they drove around the roundabout with the theme tune belting out as they went.
Even worse, as I fumbled to find the eject button, I looked up to find a pair of police officers peering at me with bemused smiles as I did my best to turn invisible.
I suppose you could say that the timing had been 'Magic' indeed.
And I still blush whenever I'm at that roundabout.


*A gold star for the first person to correctly guess why I named it Binky.
**I thought she was a friend until one day whilst I was in the grips of one of the worst episodes of depression I've ever had, she informed me by letter that she didn't want to be around me when I 'was like that', but she'd be willing to see me again if ever 'the old Misty' came back.

It's no good.

Between the erratic connection to the intermanet and Blogger's Block, I haven't been doing a good job at keeping this blog very interesting recently, have I?

I'm saving the Choose-O Choice for tomorrow, and Wednesdays are sorted what with the Caption Competition, but as to what to write about other than that, I'm at a loss...

I need inspiration, and I need it ASAP!

And here's where I need your help again me darlin's!

It's been over two years since I last held this survey. Some of you may remember it, some of you won't have ever read it, and some of you might have filled in the questions both times I've held the survey and not remember doing so. But anyhoo, even if you have taken precious time in the past to do so, please can you do so again?* And if you haven't done so, please can you do so as well!?

So, over you you then! Please leave your answers in the comments box.

Q1: How did you first stumble across this blog?
a) Recommended by another person/blog
b) Via a Google search about a totally unrelated topic such as 'free bic biro'
c) By mistake
d) The little voices told you to find me
e) Wha...?
f) Other (please state)

Q2: Why do you keep coming back to this blog?
a) Bored
b) Glutton for punishment
c) Can't get any other sites up for some reason
d) Can't find the usual pr0n site
e) Eh...?
f) Other (please state)

Q3: What do you like most about this blog?
a) The witty and erudite ramblings writing
b) Double Entendre Day
c) The occasional snippets of information about various topics
d) The little skipping penguin
e) What blog?
f) Other (please state)

Q4: Do you find the recommended other blogs, sites and games etc;
a) Fun
b) Varied in selection
c) Informative
d) There are other blogs?
e) Que?
f) Other (please state)

Q5: What could be done to improve this blog?
a) More stories about mindless violence
b) More informative postings
c) More skipping penguins
d) Gratuitous references to sex and badgers
e) Y'wot?
f) Other (please state)

Q6: Would you recommend this blog to a friend?
a) Yep
b) Nah
c) Maybe
d) Dunno
e) Why, is there money involved?
f) Other (please state)

Q7: (last one) Which has been your favourite previous post on this site?
a) The one about The Night The Goats Got Loose
b) The one about the Attack Cat
c) Any of the Caption Competition ones
d) Any with reference to mindless violence and/or sex and badgers
e) There are other posts?
f) Other (please state)

Again, thank you for your time.

*Please? Pretty please with sugar and a cherry on top?

Wayhey, it's Wednesday again, which means it's time for yet another Double Entendre Day, Caption Competition, woohoo!

I know you're all champing at the bit to get stuck into stuffing my box, but before we get to that, please remember that if you haven't already voted in yesterday's Choose-O, there's still time to do so, akay?

And now that's all sorted, your photo for this week's Caption Competition is -

There's a packet of crisps going for every entry and a can of fizzy pop available should anyone get me to a 69.

So, as per usual, Get Stuck In!

And so, after a weekend and Monday of spleeping sickness, broken 'white goods'*, possible computer virii, recurring neck lumps and other wonderful things, I'm now back online and able to offer you a selection of choices for this Thursday's entertainment, which are -

• Speech
• Crack
• Magic

And once again I'm offering my apologies for being a terrible hostess, and have a joke to tell you as form of recompense for the 'missed' days.
So, the joke...

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

I'll get my coat while you cast your votes and tell me all about what you've been up to since we last talked, akay?

My washing machine and dishwasher are in technical terms, 'rubber ducked'.