I'm very, very, busy today, so I've decided to let you lot do the entertaining for a while and tell me what's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?

I promise I'll tell you mine as soon as I get a chance to stop and write it, honest!

Oh, and if you're too shy to reveal all, here's a quick Spot The Difference competition for you -


Have a fabulous weekend if at all possible, akay?

ttfn,

Saucy.

Regular readers will know that lots of moons ago I worked in a hotel in Switzerland.
It was a good job; pay was excellent, as was the accommodation and locale, and the rest of the staff were mostly a good laugh as well.
Anyway, my job was mainly waitressing. I say 'mainly' as from time-to-time I'd be called on to help out with getting a room ready for guests, or helping get the laundry ready for a wedding or something, but as I said, mainly waitressing.
Now, the menu would stay the same most of the year, but as the seasons changed different dishes would be added, as would the occasional new dish to see if it would go down well with the customers.
One lovely spring day, the boss and chef had decided to try out a separate Italian menu to see if there was enough interest to make the dishes a permanent fixture and the chef had informed the rest of the kitchen staff what the plans were, but not to put the Italian menus out while he wasn't there, as he was the only one who knew how to make the food and until he had time to teach them how to as well, the menus weren't available to the public.
It's at this point in the tale that it's important to mention that the staff comprized of quite a few different nationalities, and that the majority of the kitchen staff were from Albania, and their German was not very good except when it came to the basics needed to work in a kitchen, and although the staff had smiled and nodded, they didn't understand WTF the chef had told them.
That lovely spring day, I was working alone in the bar and restaurant as being a very quiet day during the very quiet season, not many customers were expected.
The only staff in the kitchen were the Albanian sous chef and one Albanian kitchen helper, and though the sous chef could speak good German and English, the kitchen helper didn't even know how to order a beer in the local lingo.
I'd was busy cleaning the shelves behind the bar when the local priest came in with a couple of friends. The local priest was a very much respected man in the area, and the locals treated him with an ages old reverence, specially reserved for men of the cloth. Whatever the priest wanted, the village folk would try and get or do for him, and a visit from him was an honour for the local pub, inn-keepers and restaurant owners.
He was also a really nice bloke, and it was a pleasure to have him around in the hotel.
I got their drinks and left them with the regular menus, and was most surprized when I went to get their orders and heard that the priest wanted to try the Spaghetti Carbonara.
I reckoned that the chef must have shown the sous chef how to make the Italian meals, and so took the order and passed in onto him in the kitchen
A few seconds later I heard the sous chef give a sort of muffled scream and I went to investigate.
Turned out that he hadn't a clue how to make Spaghetti Carbonara, and that the kitchen helper had put the Italian menus in with the regular menus as he was trying to help.
Now the sous chef and kitchen helper were very religious and were not going to upset the 'Man of God' and didn't want to tell him that he couldn't have his Spaghetti Carbonara.
Almost in tears, they both turned to me for advice on what to do next and being the mug I sometimes am, I said 'Don't panic, I know how to cook it' before telling them what ingredients I needed.
Ten minutes later I'd cooked up a Carbonara sauce the Pope would have liked and served up the meals to the Priest and his friends.
The priest loved it.
He loved it so much that he asked me to pass on his compliments to the 'chef' before deciding to order yet another portion to share with his friends.
Off into the kitchen I went once more, and had nearly finished when I heard another group of customers come in and sit next to the priest and his friends.
While the new customers perused the menus I took out the second dish of Spaghetti Carbonara and three sets of cutlery to the priest and chums.
The priest raved over the food and when the customers at the next table asked him what he was eating, he told them and said it was so good they really must try it.
I ended up cooking about twenty portions of Spaghetti Carbonara that afternoon while the sous chef and kitchen assistant scurried around me prepping whatever they could and clearing up behind me, whilst still carrying out my usual duties of running around in the restaurant waiting on the customers.
The customers also sent their compliments to 'the chef' and the sous chef smiled wanly and gratefully as I passed the message on.
It was when the chef got back we realized that as my recipe for Carbonara sauce was such a hit and folks would be coming back for more, I had to show the chef and the rest of the kitchen staff how to prepare my recipe.
As far as I know, it's still being served at that hotel in Switzerland, but it's rather a long way to go to find out.

Additional. Seeing as somehow my old Haloscan comments have been reinstated when the Echo comments got sorted, I've taken out the Blogger comments, which means that now I just have the one set of easy to use ones, and all the comments from over the years are also back for posterity, yay!

I know, it's Wednesday and I missed yesterday's post.
I won't bore you with the details; suffice to say that a combination of people being late, two unexpected things happening that I didn't want to happen and my 'puter throwing yet another hissy fit means that yesterday's Choose-O winner will now be posted tomorrow rather than yesterday, unless of course I manage to get enough Triple A batteries and duck tape sorted so that I can get my Time Machine working again, that is.

But anyway, tis Wednesday now, and that means it's time for yet another Double Entendre Day, Caption Competition, huzzah!
This week's picture is another photo taken by my own fair paw, and is also one that cost me a whole Euro to take, and this is it -

And I will leave you for now with a little anecdote from a couple of days ago relating a conversation I had with my friend, Mr de Sade, whilst we were watching television.

The scene - an advertisment is being shown on television. Mr de Sade and I are watching.
Mr de Sade: "What did that caption say?"
Me: "Should have gone to Specsavers"
Mr de Sade: "Haha, yes, I know. I'm blind as a bat without my glasses, but stop taking the pish and tell me what the caption says!"
Me: "Should have gone to Specsavers"
Mr de Sade: "Well bolox to you then, don't tell me!"

And on that note, over to you.
There's a Gummi Bear going for every comment left, and a delicious Lollipop available should anybody get me to an increasingly elusive 69.

*'Donation' fee, not obligatory, and they were so nice when they talked to Fuzzy I didn't begrudge them the cash one iota!

5... 4... 3... 2... 1. We have normality*
I'm back into the usual routine again, although I'm still swearing in German, and as it's Monday, it's time for this week's Choose-O, rah!

Your options for tomorrow's entertainment are -

• Scary
• Speech
• Saucy

Oh, and before I trundle over to my Flickr page to upload some more piccies, I've an amusing anecdote to regale you with.

When I got to Stanstead Airport upon my arrival back from Deutschland last week, I called the Ex-partner-in-crime who was lurking in Bishop's Stortford** and waiting to give me a lift back. I told him that I was just waiting for my suitcase so I wouldn't be long and would be waiting for him outside the airport.
I found my suitcase and went outside and was looking around wondering where the best place to wait was when a male airport employee came up to me and asked if he could help at all.
I replied "Oh, I'm just wondering where the best place to get picked up would be" before adding that I'd just realized what I'd said and turning a rather nice shade of red.
He did smile a lot before pointing out that if I waited by some nearby flags that my friend would be able to spot them easily.
I really must remember to think first, then talk in future.

Anyway, how were your weekends?

*Or whatever counts for 'normality' round these here parts.
**Which is somewhere.

I'm still on German time and have yet to mentally switch the subtitles off, but as I missed last Double Entendre Day's Caption Competition I've decided to upload one of the many, many piccies I took on my travels and leave you to add comments and captions if you so desire.
I'm also uploading this as C'riz commented on my previous post that unless he could see a photo with Ducks in Berlin, he wouldn't believe I was there, so 'nyer-nyer, and yes I was!' akay, C'riz?
Here's the photo -

Have a fab weekend everybody, and please keep an eye on my Flickr if you're interested in more photos!

Hallo meine Lieblinge, I'm haus wieder!

Yep, I'm back from Deutschland safe and sound, and am pleased to report that I had an absolutely fabulous time over there, rah!
As well as getting to meet my 'new'* niece and nephew** for the first time, I met up with my aunt and uncle, and both cousins and their spouses for the first time in yonks, and caught up on all that's been happening since the last time over some most excellent German beers!
I stayed for most of the trip in Hannover, but on Monday I went to visit Berlin for the first time!
It's a city I've always wanted to see and as my cousin-in-law (my eldest cousin's husband) had a spare ticket for the train journey, Fuzzy Duck*** and I got up early and off we went.
Armed with a map and day ticket for the trains and buses, I set off to explore as much of Berlin as I could in the five hours that I had. I spent most of the time walking around taking photos of anything and everything, starting at the Hauptbahnhof, walking past the Brandenburg Gate and along Unter Den Linden, before catching a bus to the Zoo area**** and back where I found a great little restaurant where we stopped for a Currywurst and a couple of glasses of the local brew.
I ordered as much of the meal in German (I wanted to practise words other than the swears I now) and got what I wanted so I must have said the right things.
When my meal arrived, a couple came in and sat at a table at the other side of the room. When they began talking I realized that the bloke was from England and they nattered away in English.
About five minutes later another couple came in, and yet again the bloke was from England and they both spoke to each other in English as well.
When it was time to go, the waitress said goodbye to me and I replied the same before saying 'This is really weird. I come all the way to Berlin and everyone's speaking English - what are the odds?' which raised a laugh with both couples and the waitress.
Anyway, I'm starting to waffle and although loads of things happened and I had a brilliant time, it would take far too long to relate everything and I don't think any of you would really be interested with what happened over dinner every day and what taking the dog for a walk was like, so I shall sign off for now and get back to sorting out the five hundred or so photos that I took while there, which will be far more interesting than me whiffling on about 'What I Did On My Holiday' for ages.
So... yes. That's about it.
More importantly, how are you lot doing and did I miss anything exciting while I was gone?
Tell me everything, or I'll set Fuzzy Duck on to you.

*They're both two and a half years old, but they're 'new' to me.
**I didn't think I was going to get to meet him, but I did, yay!
***Visits to strange places are always better and more fun if you have a friend with you.
****I resisted the urge to put up a sign saying 'Please Do Not Eat The Animals'

And so, as is the way of the world, once again 'tis Friday, although for me, this Friday takes me rather more than a tiny bit out of my usual routine.
The reason for this change, is that I am going to Germany for a week to visit my wonderful family, most of whom I haven't seen for about three years, and I have a darling little niece* aged two and a half, who I've never met before, ever!
As I type, I think I've got everything I need packed in my suitcase or hand luggage. I know exactly where my passport is, and I've got my flight details printed out and stuffed in the handbag next to it.
I'm very excited, and it's nearly 01:00 hours, and I have to be up at 07:00 hours so that I can get any last minute things thrown in my suitcase, get showered and dressed, have coffee (if possible) and get to the airport (Stanstead, providing it's open and the roads are clear) by 10:00 hours.

And I won't be back until next Thursday...

But I should be able to get to a 'puter from time-to-time, and if I can, I'll keep you all up to speed as to how I'm doing.
If anyone's interested that is.

Anyhoo, I shall leave you with a photo of yet another sweet li'l kitten for you to LOL up in the meantime.


ttfn, my darlings - play nice while I'm away or there'll be trouble when I get back, akay?



*I'm an only child, sp my fabulous cousins said I can be official 'Auntie' to their children, yay!**
**All the fun of playing with them and spoiling them rotten whenever I get the chance to see them, but far too far away to be considered for regular babysitting duties, double yay!

I've just realized that I've been doing these Double Entendre Day Caption Competitions for almost five years now.

That means that I have trawled the intermanet roughly two hundred and forty times in order to find you a weird and wonderful photo to tickle your grey matter and get you leaving witty and rude risqué comments in the hope that I'll get my box thoroughly stuffed, and shagged out after getting a delicious 69.

I'm writing this post at 08:20 hours after getting about three hours spleep and I'm not sure what I'm waffling on about, so I will simply leave you with photo number two hundred and forty one* and leave you lot to get on with the interesting, witty and erudite stuff, akay?

Here's today's picture -



You know what to do, so over to you once more.
There's a marshmallow going for every entry, and should anybody get me to an ever elusive 69, I'll toast it for them.

Have at it!

*Approximately.

Shooter.

Some moons ago on a fine Summer's day, I was out and about in my first car, Turpin.*
The weather was very warm indeed and all about people were starting to look red and flustered as many Brits tend to do when the temperature reaches above the 20c mark.
I had my windows rolled down to get a breeze going and was enjoying the drive until I hit traffic** and my average speed went from 25mph to about 3mph before coming to a halt for a while.
Eventually the traffic started moving again and the reason for the jam became clear.
I was heading towards Ealing Common and was nearing the junction with the North Circular road, and the main set of traffic lights had decided to stop working, but fortunately, someone with a bit of nous had got a policeman out to control the traffic.
As I waited to crawl forwards a few more feet, I watched the policeman. He was rather cute and I was daydreaming about [DELETED] when at last it was my turn to wait at the lights. The policeman was doing a fine job of getting the traffic moving and as I waited at the head of the queue to move on, I had a fine view of him as he waved the cars on the North Circular on their way.
But then, as all good things always come to an end, he stopped the traffic and it was my turn to go on.
He waved me and the traffic behind me on our way, and as I drew closer to him I smiled, and noticed that he was smiling back at me.
What he didn't notice was the Police van full of police that was heading towards him from the other direction.
I however, did notice it and was rather surprized to also notice that all the police on the driver's side of the van had their windows open and that the police inside were all holding toy guns.
As if in slow motion, we drew level with the policeman stood in the middle of the road and my smile must have faltered to a split second as I realized what the police in the van were going to do, and as the policeman noticed my expression, he turned to follow my gaze...


He was met with a volley of perfectly aimed shots from a dozen or so very full water pistols.
The poor guy was drenched, and as my window was open I also got splashed a bit as I drove past.
I couldn't stop laughing.
I thought about stopping as I got to the other side of the junction, but checking my rear-view mirror I decided not to as all I could do was giggle at the sight of the very wet policeman who had stopped waving at the traffic and was instead waving his fist at the back of the police van as it headed off carrying the miscreants away from the scene of the 'crime'.
I'd have loved to have been a fly on the wall when the policeman got back to the station to have a word with his colleagues.
And if that policeman happens to be reading this, you looked very cute in your wet shirt.

*A gold star for the first person who knows why I called it Turpin.
**Not literally.

Well, I still haven't figured out how to get the Echo comments working how I want them to, but that's life I suppose.
If anyone has any suggestions, please share, as I'm stumped.

Other than that, life's been quiet here. It's still slippery underpaw outside so I've spent most of my time hiding under my duvet where it's safe and warm; hibernation is becoming a serious idea! I love the snow, but hate it when it turns to mush and ice which turns a simple trip to the shops into a half hour trek across scary terrain. I walked past a bus-stop the other day, and nearly lost my footing on a particularly sneaky patch of ice causing me to perform a sort of rapid, soft-shoe shuffle whilst wind-milling my arms around until I got my balance back.
Mind you, I did get a round of applause from the people waiting for the bus. With hindsight I should have put a hat on the ground; I might have earned a few pennies.
But that was nowhere near as much fun as the fight I witnessed on the way back. A group of young chaps were messing about and suddenly it turned rather nasty with one bloke screaming and threatening one of the others. The fight stopped when he went to kick the other bloke causing him to skid on one leg for about six feet before falling smack on his arse and slithering along the road for another ten or so feet.
I tried not to laugh, honest.

Anyhoo, as it's Monday it's time for another Choose-O, and your options for this week's entertainment are -

• Speech
• Scary
• Shooter

Go safely, watch out for icy patches, and if you do happen to fall over, pretend you meant to do so.
Oh, and don't forget to tell me all about your lives while you're down there, akay?

ttfn!

The eagle-eyed among you might have noticed that I now have Echo comments installed! This is thanks to the lovely Scaryduck who once again fiddled about with my HTML until it got sorted, so a big round of applause and three cheers to the Duckuss is you please!

Once I've figured out how to use the Echo comments, I'll be taking out the Blogger comments and am hoping that I'll be able to import all the old and fabulous comments that you've all left over the years; Echo says it's possible to do so, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they're not lying!

So... that's about it for news. Oh, except that that my ulcer is healing up very nicely and I no longer have to wear a bandage round my ankle, but have a dinky micropore-dressing stuck over it instead.

I'm going to play about with Echo now, so I'll leave you with another photo of a cute kitten for you to LOL up if you so desire.

Enjoy!

Woo! Rah! And also, Yay!

Thanks to a certain Duck fiddling around with my bits*, I now have comments again, hurrah!
The only downside is that they're of the Blogger variety and not the new, super-whizzy other sort that costs $10 per annum bit allows you to import all your old comments, but at least I have comments again, w00t!

And other than not being able to get online again yesterday**, I think everything is working again so it should be back to normality, for a while at least.

And as everything is back to the usual routine once again, as it's Wednesday it's time for the Double Entendre Day Caption Competition again, and your photo for today's delectation and delight is -



I hope it ticks some boxes and gets all your grey matter working as it's the first one of the New Year and I'd love it if I got a 69.

There's a selection of left over party snacks going for every comment, and a glass of slightly flat bubbly available should I get me an ever-more elusive soixante-neuf!

So my preciouses, have at it and give my box a thorough stuffing!

On yer marks,

Set...

Go!

*The HTML variety on my Blog settings.
**Wrong sort of snow on the phone lines or something.

So, a New Year and already I am beset with problems.

For some reason, Haloscan has stopped doing free comments. They sent me an email saying that I can get a new service for $9.95 a year, but as I don't have a credit card, that don't help me much.

I've managed to save all my old comments in a folder, and tried to enable Blogger comments, but for some weird reason the comments won't show on my Blog.

If anyone can help, please email me, if not - Please stand by for further developments.

In the meantime, here's another picture of a kitten being adorable.


Enjoy.